HURTING

Hello, here I SIT WITH TABLET IN HAND.I JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND.Not trying to ask for permission to write in this journal.HECK FIRE  I just do barely think that I have acquired the most unusual bed of belivers. This group is a sure fire of knowledge and above I REALLY BELIEVE THEIR IS LOVE. I feel the love then why a  journal titled HURTING. Odd to some but do not be to quick to put down the information. Just look at the journal and read with a open mind. See where your map takes you. To  last as long as a snowballs chance in _  _  L L. Being 63 and living in a assisted living faculity is a kick in the la  la  la. This is not only a big hurting dip but trying to do the right thing is just a big milkshake......ALL SHOOK UP.. My depresion is I GUESS ON THE MEND.  Being on the mend is a big word. I AM TRYING. Honestly its still s......Looking over my sholder is the hardest thing I am DEALING WITH..  Trying to maintain a good repor with the residents is like wearing a mask. See you wear a mask to hide who you are. A lot of us have masks.I had mask in one of my  journals. This may sound like a bunch of cake mix that is not ready. I am not rambling, but trying to make a point. The mask also is the hurting factor.YOU SEE I FREELY ADMIT I HAVE  HAD MY HURTING MASK IN TOW.This is a lot of sewer.Living a lie would be the better word here.I want everyone who is with D.S. at all PLEASE DO NOT THROW ME TO THE WOLVES. This has happened before that my friend is the heavest piece of luggage to carry. Depresion is so hard to deal with, carring the rath of  living  a lonely life because of BAD CHOICES LEFT A SCAR ON ME THAT LYE SOAP WOULD NEVER WASH THIS CLEAN.Having come from a GAY LIFESTYLE and trying to fit in with D.S. IS WHY I BELIEVE THAT THIS HAS BEEN A AWAKING ISSUE..I can deal with loneliness,depression,bipolar issues,is just a long time a coming waiting to be set free. The bi-gay b.s. is just that B.S. That is the best package I could have delivered to myself. How did this come about.Knowing that this lifestyle would be the DEATH OF ME IF SOMETHING DID NOT BREAK. When I started with D.S. I KNEW that the time had come. Coming full circle and carring this very heavy burden was TOO MUCH. I have friends thru the D.S.  Basicly that is the hilt of it. Right now I am very happy. Flying high is the greastest on sight big score that I COULD ACHIEVE. That is why HURTING had to be the title.If I had my truck I would be driving around,now I WILL go for a nice long WALK. Not afraid of this smoke screen that has gone with me for sometime is now just a big pile of BURNING EMBERS. Had to go to my pain doctor today because of severe hip,and leg pain.Have mostly arthritis in both legs and hips. My joints are so compressed that this hurts to walk.'The injection I hope will help some, waiting to go back to the procedure room it is like I turned around and WALLA. This is a true statement. I WOULD NOT MAKE THIS UP.I AM GLAD THAT THE TRUTH HAS UP TO ME.IT HAS BEEN AROUND FOR AWHILE MY STUBORN WAYS did not want to up root anything. GOT A CHANCE TO BECOME A REAL MAN not  a MAKE BELIEVE.' After you read the this I may lose you all I hope not.RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU NOW.YOUR IN PUTS HAVE HELPED WONDERFULLY. Iwill always keep my D.S. FRIENDS CLOSE BY.Thank you for alowing me to vent and now MY WALK IS READY TO COMENSE because the factor of HURTING for the  longest part is now DUST. LOL 2 ALL.