hurting

my love hate relationship with food has taken a toll on my life. i am sick of it all, i cant think straight anymore.i am sick and tired of whining and sulking about it and feeling sorry for myself. i want things to change and i want them to change real quick. 
my ED has started to define who i am a quitter, a control freak, someone who has no idea what they are doing.i pretend to be happy and keep pretending till it sinks in though it never does and i get back to being miserable. i wanted to be so much more and here i am writing about my feelings and hoping someday i'd be happy too, i guess i am reaching for the stars but you gotta have faith.