Hurt and mad

 
I dont even know if im more hurt than mad or visa versa. As most of you know my marriage has been on the rocks. Today i think he hit my breaking point. I am seriously considering making him move down to the extra room and work out a schedule of when he will have Ian. We can afford to live in separate places and we dont know one here. If we were home this would be much easier. I just dont want to live as husband and wife because he doesnt treat me like a husband should. I have been having very bad pain in my stomach for about 2 1/2 weeks. My doctor ordered a u/s and I had that done today. Dh is out of the country so my MIL extended her visit to watch Ian as my appointment was at 7:30am.
 

Let me start over a little. I few months ago dh and I got in a fight because he never ever took me anywhere we never went on dates or anything. Granted we had no one to watch Ian but when his parents would come visit for a week or more he never ever took the initiative to plan something. I started feeling so used and unappreciated. If I wanted a date night i had to do EVERYTHING!!!!! Well i told him I wasnt doing it anymore. Last time his parents where here he never took me out. His parents just left from a week visit and he never took me out. I brought it up because i was pissed. He just told me that we needed to start making time for us blah blah and then he doesnt even take advantage of childcare. We are not in the financial situation to pay a sitter $50 and a date. I was only hoping for maybe a hour at chik -filet. So I bring it up and he says well i was going to take you out on monday but your stomach hurt. I said ok what about tuesday. My stomach wasnt not hurting tuesday. You know it wasnt because you asked me 3 times. He says well i was thinking about taking you out monday so I didnt think about it tuesday. Ya im really important. Bare in mind while his parents where here he said he needed to go shopping for some work pants. I tell him "you and I can go when ian goes down for a nap." he says. My mom can come with me. I was like sorry for wanting to spend some time alone with you. Geesh. Point taken. later that day im like so are you going to go shopping. And he is like no my mom is tired. SO after i make some snide comments under my breath he finally says ok you can come lets go.  yay for me. NOT. He talks the talk but makes no action to back it up. Im at my wits end. fast forward to today. I email him to tell him they think something is wrong with my right kidney.  we email when he is gone since its free and we only get 10 minutes a day to talk. Well he finally calls me 7 hours later and never once brings up my kidneys or how im feeling or what the doctors think. I know he got the email because he referenced other things I said in it. I am so not important to him and I am fine with that. I dont need him to make me feel important but if thats how its going to be I dont want to be with him. I want my freedom and I want to do my own things. He is never around and when he is all we do is fight so im ready to change our living situation.  This is crazy. This is not how you treat someone you supposedly love. This is not working on things. This is living in your own world and every one and thing revolves around you.
 

So i dont know if i should email him and tell him what a loser he is and how i will never believe him when he says he cares because he could care less about whats going on with me. and tell him i am moving him into the extra room or if i should just have no contact with him until he gets home saturday and let him see what it feels like?
 

Replies

browngurl30
browngurl30

GIRLFRIEND!! My goodness. I say try and calm down first and then proceed with what\'s in your heart to do. Sometimes we get so mad that we do things we\'ll regret. If you need to not talk to him for a few days for YOUR sanity then so be it. If you tell him you\'re moving into the extra room and he doesn\'t act like he cares then you\'ll be REALLY PISSED. So sorry you are going through this!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Don\'t put those things in emails, please, for your sake. If you do end up separating those are just kinlin for the fire. You need to talk to him, write it out at home as to what you need him to improve upon. Is he ADD? I know this sounds crazy, but my husband forgets and doesn\'t plan ahead--but it\'s just from ADD. We went through counseling that was specifically for spouses of ADD husbands/wives. It was wonderful and refreshing!!

To be honest, if you don\'t talk to him through Saturday, he\'ll probably just think you\'re busy--though it may certainly help your sanity!

I\'m really sorry you\'re going through all of this!! I\'ll be praying for you, for baby, for you health and for help with your marriage! Sounds like your hubby needs a good shake-back-to-reality!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I feel you, I\'m right in your boat!
deleted_user
deleted_user

i hate men lol if only they would do what they were supposed to!
pattijo
pattijo

move his stuff while he is gone and let him come home to it in the other room. maybe then he will get the point. also, i dont know what kind of relationship you have with your MIL, but have you talked to her about it? if she was there while some of this was going on, chances are she saw it too. she may surprise you and be on your side and say something to him.
deleted_user
deleted_user

=[ I\'m sorry hun! I hope and pray things get better for you! Hugs!