huffing........
Call it a mother's intuition, call it having eyes in the back of my head, call it whatever ya want ~ I was right. Although I knew he huffed the computer aerosol spray hearing it from another mom only confirmed it. She told me that her son told her that when he and the rest of the friends found out that T was huffing ~ they all got on his case about using it. How ironic is that? Drug using friend peer pressuring him not to use a "drug". That actually is comforting. Scary that my son is doing it but comforting knowing that T is just getting pressure from us but from his friends as well.
Although I was the one who found it under our son's bed, my husband wanted to be the one to say he was the one who found it and told me that he'd talk to him. He did and T told him that the spray was for the lens on his camera. Well, how did it get under the bed? Easy answer: "It rolled out of my backpack and under the bed". "Oh - Dad - by the way ~ the manufacturers have taken the addictive ingredient out of the cans so you can't get high on them anymore." Apparently, he sounded pretty convincing because my husband appeared to believe him. I asked him later if he did and he said no but he still doesn't seem to see the red flags or the urgency to do "something".
So it out with my husband last night and I think "we" made some progress. Based on the conversation we had (prior to last night) I told my husband that now is the opportunity to take advantage of the court (our son is in a first time offender diversion court for young adults) and not make it easier for him by paying the court fees. It's clear that my husband doesn't buy into it. He told me that we're dealing with a 14 year old in a 19 year old boy's body and that we need to help him. I tried explaining to him about the enabling "thing" but he doesn't see it that way. In our parent program we talk about the difference between helping and enabling. Helping - doing things for people who cannot do things by themselves. Enabling - doing things for others who are capable. Since my husband says that our son is really 14 we need to help him. Help him get a job. I have no problem helping him to that but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
Thankfully ~ going to the parent support group, two Al Anon meetings, talking to a drug counselor, a friend, my sister, and to the faith sharing group ~ all helped!!! Now if I can only start playing soccer again! Had my last physical therapy session and feeling better. Not 100% but A LOT better!!!
Although I was the one who found it under our son's bed, my husband wanted to be the one to say he was the one who found it and told me that he'd talk to him. He did and T told him that the spray was for the lens on his camera. Well, how did it get under the bed? Easy answer: "It rolled out of my backpack and under the bed". "Oh - Dad - by the way ~ the manufacturers have taken the addictive ingredient out of the cans so you can't get high on them anymore." Apparently, he sounded pretty convincing because my husband appeared to believe him. I asked him later if he did and he said no but he still doesn't seem to see the red flags or the urgency to do "something".
So it out with my husband last night and I think "we" made some progress. Based on the conversation we had (prior to last night) I told my husband that now is the opportunity to take advantage of the court (our son is in a first time offender diversion court for young adults) and not make it easier for him by paying the court fees. It's clear that my husband doesn't buy into it. He told me that we're dealing with a 14 year old in a 19 year old boy's body and that we need to help him. I tried explaining to him about the enabling "thing" but he doesn't see it that way. In our parent program we talk about the difference between helping and enabling. Helping - doing things for people who cannot do things by themselves. Enabling - doing things for others who are capable. Since my husband says that our son is really 14 we need to help him. Help him get a job. I have no problem helping him to that but you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
Thankfully ~ going to the parent support group, two Al Anon meetings, talking to a drug counselor, a friend, my sister, and to the faith sharing group ~ all helped!!! Now if I can only start playing soccer again! Had my last physical therapy session and feeling better. Not 100% but A LOT better!!!
Replies
I did a research paper on inhalant abuse. Some people inhale gasoline or air conditioning gases, as well as just about everything with a solvent in it. it\'s all really dangerous as far as brain and/or liver damage. If they took the \"addictive\" ingredient out, there would be no propellant in the computer aerosol, and it wouldn\'t be sold as a cleaner (solvent). It may be a less dangerous ingredient, but it\'s dangerous nonetheless. I guess your son\'s explanation to his dad ws taken at face value. My own son huffed everything he could when a teen and I have no idea how he\'s still alive.
I encourage you to be as proactive as you can be about both the huffing and the court fines. I feel you are on the right track. Engage court personnel if you have to, to get him employed to pay the fines?
Glad to hear you are getting support from the community. You give a lot of support yourself thru your presentations, and it can go both ways. From a perspective of my own kid being now 23 1/2, I can\'t say for sure that getting him involved did him any good, (he was known as one of the toughest nuts to crack in the juv. drug court system), I know leaving him on his own to pursue his addiction on his own steam could have killed him.
So that\'s my \'for what it\'s worth\' tonight. Blessings on you.
I know it\'s harder with your son being so young, but please don\'t pay his court costs! If he can\'t get a job he can at least do chores or mow yards. Paying it for him is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Look at how easy that is for him. I\'m sorry, I try really hard not to give advice, but this screamed at me. I understand how your husband feels, I\'ve been there. I was always trying to give Gary that clean slate, and he stayed screwed up all along. After he went to AnyLength he received a bill for $400 in court costs from the county we live in. It was sent to our house. I contemplated taking care of it, but thank God, I dropped it in the mail to him. He didn\'t have a job yet, but got one about 3 weeks later. Whether he ever paid the bill or not, I don\'t know. We haven\'t received any more. I hope he took care of it. Please don\'t get upset with me, I feel bad for ya\'ll, but he has got to suffer. I know ya\'ll think of him as already suffering, and he is, but he has to pay the consequences. I know how hard it is to let that happen, believe me , I do.
I already convinced my husband. It took some work but I did it.
I told T and he had a major fit, followed by surly behavior. One reason he was upset is that we didn\'t give him enough time to get a job and save up enough funds. He also said we owe him $150 that he earned from his last job. I told him that that was for his last offense. He insists that isn\'t so but that would mean he didn\'t pay for the last one. I didn\'t argue with him. He is in defense mode and finding every possible way to make it look like we\'re the ones who are wrong. I did look up on line, however, to find out what happens if a person can\'t pay the fines and it said that all the person needs to do is write the judge and explain why. T doesn\'t know that part yet because he hasn\'t come home in 2 days and won\'t answer our calls or texts. Oh well.....
Hmmmm, wow your husband took a huge step in confronting T!!!! Yeah, huffing is not a good sign......I\'m sorry that 2 of the boys are in such distress at the moment! Good to hear that PT is paying off. Keep it up and take care.