Hubby should be happy

I really hate that I cheated on my husband. He really didnt deserve that type of betrayal. Yeah, I was mad because he abused me and refused to stop talking to certain people when asked, but I went all out. I guess I cant help the way that I think. I have always been the type of person that believed in revenge. I have been hurt from this marriage ever since 2008.  I felt alone most of the time and also unwanted.  Honestly, that is why we have  nothing now as far as financial, house, credit, etc. I started spending out of hurt and pain. When Iwas lonely and hurt, money was my best friend. Never knew if Neef ever paid close attention to the facts.I never spent the money until after we had the 2nd fight. I just knew that he was seeing someone else. Sad thing is, I never confronted him. Im not even sure why not. I just want him to be extremely happy!