how will I know for sure?

since I was 5 years old I have been abused on and off in some way. It's what I know. I was talking with my best friend last night about how I have been feeling better lately, and as crazy as he was, it was nice to have someone at the house. I don't want him, NOT AT ALL! I would however really like to have someone to share my life with. There is really only one relationship I was ever in where he never treated me bad, was always sweet, caring, loving. He was perfect. My friend was talking about her relationship and it reminded me of that one and thats when I realised I've only had one real relationship, and that was when I was 18. 
 
I am getting older now. I want kids, I want a companion, someone to share this life with. But I don't want that person to beat me, make me feel stupid or like crap or live in fear of him. 
 
I sometimes wonder if that will ever happen
Until then, I stay strong, happy and building myself back up and my career.