How to live with Cancer?

It's been a long while since I've written anything.  Not sure where to start.  I believe I wrote about my blood markers that were taken back in August.  They were good and the doctor wanted to see me the end of October.  Well by the end of September I was beginning to have dizzy spells.  I contacted by doctor after about 10 days.  When I saw her she decided to order my scans.  My doctor didn't seem alarmed as far as the cancer was concerned, but figured we'll go ahead and get the scans a few weeks early.  She did also lower a dose of medication I take for neuropathy. So on Monday I will get all the results of my scans(PET, mammogram & ultrasound).  Hopefully they are good, but it's really difficult not to worry or think about all the "what ifs".  I guess that's what I am having difficulty with now.  How do you continue to live with cancer hanging over your head?  I don't know how to do it.  Especially on the days I don't feel well, I think it would be easier not to hurt and not to fight.  I feel awful thinking that way.  I feel guilty thinking that way because of my kids sake.  What would they think about their Mom not wanting to fight and being around for them? I guess I really don't have any answers.  At least not yet.  It's still a lot to process for me and I hope I can.  Maybe on Monday, if my results are good, it will be a little easier moving on.  Let's hope. 

Replies

Bone2110
Bone2110

I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through. After reading your journal, I prayed for you. I prayed that the results of your test will be positive and that you will have the strengh to do whatever is necessary to bring you back to good health. My heart goes out to you & your family regarding your cat. Our pets are as much a part of the family as our relatives (some even more so). My cat of 13 yrs died last year and the loss to me & my son has been great. I truly miss the comfort that he would provide by just being around me. You & your family will truly be in my thoughts & prayers on Monday.
2DanceAgain
2DanceAgain

I am dealing with sorta the same issue of \"Life After the End of Treatments\". What now? I\'m trying to find my \"new normal\". Normal routines, normal feelings, but nothing seems normal after having had cancer. Yes, as far as we know the cancer is gone from my body through surgery and radiation. However, the experience of having cancer will never be gone from my life. It is a part of who I am. I think, everyone expects you to get back to normal because the treatments are done, you\'re cured, right? It\'s still in my thoughts. It has changed me in ways I can\'t describe or even fully understand. And we still have that waiting game, waiting for the results of the latest test. And those tests must become a part of your yearly routine (every 3 months, ever 6 months) with scheduling the tests, going for the tests, worrying about the test results, and if the test comes back positive will I have the strength to go through it all again.
I so totally understand your journal. Let\'s keep talking and helping one another.