How to live as and spot people who are unavailable
WARNING: take the first ten years after high school and do anything you want. Its the only time in your life when you will be able to do this. Buy what you want, live where you want, travel where you want, go out where you want, and live and drive in anything you want ... ". Those ten years of singledom couldn't BE BETTER. if you don't choose to do that, then its your CHOICE. its not because anyone MADE you. Will people attempt to stop you from being footloose and fancy free. YES. misery loves company and if they couldn't do it all, were too "afraid" to or worse, they are going to do all they can to make sure you don't do as you please or plan either. so keep your plans to yourself. send postcards as you LEAVE each place, not when you get there. and avoid naysayers (but keep in mind the worst of the naysayers, will be great actors who agree with everything you say and then rob or literally poison you to stop you from having those ten years of freedom).
staying single is an art form all by itself. it is learned behavior. you have to retrain yourself and just go with it by becoming emotionally unavailable.
"... eight years, I was emotionally unavailable. I created a way of behaving that wouldn't allow for me to connect with anyone emotionally. This is how I stayed single and why I had a hard time being normal in a relationship once I started looking for one.
I didn't have relationships, I had situations; some of these situations were even long-term, but the idea was that we weren't dating, we weren't exclusive and we were never going to be together.
My non-committal history has given me the ability to spot the unavailable pretty quickly. Here are six ways to spot the unavailable, or six ways to become unavailable if you would like ten years of pure freedom.
1. No Plan: When you're courting someone, the right thing to do is ask someone out and make a plan for said date. Single people either do a LOT of dating, its never dating one person, its dating a few at a time. Or, when you're unavailable, you don't make plans. You call the person last-minute or send them the "WYD?" text to see if they want to hang out.
2. Another way is No Dating at all: No fine dining or drinks at a bar. You only hang out, be it in groups, or at the person's house watching TV. There's no courting, so there's no dating.
3. No Sharing: No asking about each other's day or sharing thoughts. The idea is not to get to know someone because you don't want to invest in him or her emotionally.
4. No Regular Communication: Only communicating when they want to hang out because, again, there's no emotional investment here.
5. No Laying: You may be having sex, but there's no cuddling or sleeping over. There's always a reason why they have to leave.
6. No Life sharing: They are not inviting you into their life. You don't meet or even hear about their friends or know anything about their family. Inviting you into their inner circle means this is real and the unavailable don't like things to get real. If you or they are extremely unavailable, you'll never even see the inside of each other's home, nor even have their address.
In the end, this all means that there's no future with this person. If they're not communicating, getting emotionally invested or trying to spend real time with you, they are unavailable, and you should just let them go. Unless you're both unavailable and then you are both leading the single life, and should have at it!
staying single is an art form all by itself. it is learned behavior. you have to retrain yourself and just go with it by becoming emotionally unavailable.
"... eight years, I was emotionally unavailable. I created a way of behaving that wouldn't allow for me to connect with anyone emotionally. This is how I stayed single and why I had a hard time being normal in a relationship once I started looking for one.
I didn't have relationships, I had situations; some of these situations were even long-term, but the idea was that we weren't dating, we weren't exclusive and we were never going to be together.
My non-committal history has given me the ability to spot the unavailable pretty quickly. Here are six ways to spot the unavailable, or six ways to become unavailable if you would like ten years of pure freedom.
1. No Plan: When you're courting someone, the right thing to do is ask someone out and make a plan for said date. Single people either do a LOT of dating, its never dating one person, its dating a few at a time. Or, when you're unavailable, you don't make plans. You call the person last-minute or send them the "WYD?" text to see if they want to hang out.
2. Another way is No Dating at all: No fine dining or drinks at a bar. You only hang out, be it in groups, or at the person's house watching TV. There's no courting, so there's no dating.
3. No Sharing: No asking about each other's day or sharing thoughts. The idea is not to get to know someone because you don't want to invest in him or her emotionally.
4. No Regular Communication: Only communicating when they want to hang out because, again, there's no emotional investment here.
5. No Laying: You may be having sex, but there's no cuddling or sleeping over. There's always a reason why they have to leave.
6. No Life sharing: They are not inviting you into their life. You don't meet or even hear about their friends or know anything about their family. Inviting you into their inner circle means this is real and the unavailable don't like things to get real. If you or they are extremely unavailable, you'll never even see the inside of each other's home, nor even have their address.
In the end, this all means that there's no future with this person. If they're not communicating, getting emotionally invested or trying to spend real time with you, they are unavailable, and you should just let them go. Unless you're both unavailable and then you are both leading the single life, and should have at it!
Replies
This is excellent !!! Thanks for writing. Women especially need to recognize the signs--THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL, as it were, when it\'s connection for her, but only \"friends with benefits\" for him. Not having a home phone number or address, not being invited to meet his friends and family, not being taken on real dates. It\'s all so OBVIOUS, but many of us delude ourselves.
i agree. and vice versa. especially the no real dates. even during singledom people generally date quite a bit, its half the fun. when you meet people who have never dated at all, ever, i never know what to say to them male or female. its like wow, how did you get away with that. sometimes its marrying extremely early and that is why and others must be doing the hang out only thing.
So sorry....the print was soooo tiny I could not read it. :-(
Hugs!