How to Endure
my husband and I argued almost constantly since June. In one of our arguments and many of them I would ask him to just STOP. HE KEPT on and on. on one of the last and i think last something in me just felt empty and have felt that way since then. Then here comes Christmas and the memories of Ken leaving. My friends left. I am tired of everyone leaving. But now this is the biggie this year. Ken passed away Dec 30. My husband's son's birthday is Dec 30 and this will be his 40th and my husband wants to make sure we are there to celebrate. How coul I do this I can't. First in Sept the year Ken died during the time of his very bad days his son writes a five page horrible letter ..his adult children have treated me horrible for 18 1/2 years, called me all kinds of names and I have told my husband but he has never took a stand. I do not feel I can celebrate his sons birthday on the day my son died. And not once has his children in their forties ever said they are sorry Ken died. I just am not going...should never remarried. So many problems Venting
Replies
I am SO sorry that you are having these troubles and I\'ll tell you one thing... You are not alone in not being able to celebrate a birthday on your son\'s angel day. There is NO way I could do that and that is too heavy of a mask and suit of armor that he is asking of you to put on and wear.
You do not have to go and that is something you have control over.
Wishing things were not so hard as trying to navigate the holidays and an approaching angel day is enough... More than enough...
Please take care, Sandi, and I\'m grateful you know that you can come here to vent as there is always understanding and care.
Heartfelt (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
Thank you Joanie. Things have been so bad between his adult children with me. I have done everYthing except divorce their dad to make them happy. I know the day Ken was dying and my husband slipped away to call his son made me angry but Ken was not his son. I didn\'t even remember that it was the same day as his son\'s birthday. Months later after I remembered I felt a double whammy. Them not even coming to Ken\'s memorial or ever now saying they are sorry I lost my son I call that being very selfish. But that is them and there is no way I can go ..I think it would just crush me
There is something wrong with those adult children, that\'s for sure. I would not go in this situation and try to find something positive to do on that day. It is good you can vent here, boy do I have allot of similar venting to do with my husbands daughter. You are not alone! XOX, Debbie
Oh Sandi. I am so sorry. Your husband\'s adult children are acting like spoiled brats. I can totally understand your not being able to celebrate someone\'s birthday on Ken\'s Angel Day.
I agree with Joanie - you do not have to go.
Please come here as often as you want to vent.
Love and tight hugs,
Marlene
I totally agree, you do not have to go. I think it is incredably insensitive of your husband, to even suggest you go. Those adult children have disrespected you and your sons\' memory. I am so sorry, you are having to deal with this....
((((HUGS))))....Julia
My beautiful friend, I feel your sadness and emptiness. I am so sorry for you. You are in a horrible place and you don\'t deserve it. I will pray with you that God will open a door of blessings and much love in your life!
Warm hugs! xxx
I also agree that to expect you to celebrate the birthday of someone who has not treated you well on the angelversary of your son is totally unfeeling.
I also have adult step children who are (a lot) less then warm and often major PIAs...but I\'m fortunate that Jim does not expect me to do anything I don\'t want to do.
Your husband\'s actions are abuse and I hope you can figure out how to deal with that dear SOTH ..
Hugs, Marylou
Sandi, I agree with all the comments made by all the other Moms. You certainly should not go. Why would you want to? His kids are not teenagers and for your husband to allow them to not be kind or respectful to you is wrong. I hope you can figure out what to do. Glad you can vent here and know you can say anything you want to.....Love and hugs, Your friend, Nell
I understand who wants to celebrate birthdays on an Angel date. My DIL wanted to have their son born on Mikes birthday I finally told her NO I could not celebrate Mikies birthday on a day that his father would not be here to celebrate. Long story short Mikie was born 2/9/09 Mike\'s
birthday was 1/31
Since they do not like you would it make them upset if you came or make them happy if you stayed home. ( just an evil thought)
do what you must do just for you no one else.
Tight hugs
Penny
I\'m so sorry that others don\'t respect the grief for a mother\'s angel day of loosing your son. But then I don\'t think many of our peers have a true understanding of what it\'s like to loose our heart, our future, our hopes and dreams for out beloved child. Be gentle with yourself. Guard your tender heart. Do what\'s right for you. The others will get over it.
Feeling your hurt and frustration dear mom of Ken.
OXOX, Debbie
You have to do what is best for you. Yes life does go on but our family should have some sense of concern for our hearts. Wishing you some peace, Hugs, Kathy
I\'m so new on this journey but I am learning to say \"NO\" - My body lets me know with every fiber in it to do what is best for me.....others don\'t understand and that is just ok. I so agree with Joanie - we might be able to fake it sometimes but that is too too much.....Kens angel day is a special day between Ken and his mom and others that love him - Wish husbands understood but they often don\'t!!! I am so sorry. (((((hugs))))) Vicki