How to be sick...

I guess I am learning skills I never hoped I would need.  I feel like I have come so far, but still have no idea how to be a sick person.  In my mind, I still think - why can't I do this or that; why does this or that happen???  The answer is simple.  I am sick, and I just can't do anything about it.  My body does what it wants, despite me.I used to be so in control of everything.  If I wanted something, I got it.  I didn't even have patience with people who couldn't do what I did.  I didn't understand.This has been the lesson of a lifetime.  And, I get the point.  But, it still hasn't sunk in.  I still beat myself up for sitting around, being lazy.  I just had brain surgery! The worst part is - I really don't want to get better at this.  I don't want to have to.  It sounds stubborn, childish, and defeatist, I know.But, what happens when I give in?  Will I finally grieve the loss of my former self?  I can't face it.  I don't think I can get through it.