How things change

I am so tired today, I did end up going to Uni and doing some work... it was funny, because even though I'm in the pit of despair, I have been given a small helping hand by the Universe... 
I spoke to the head lecturer of the course I am teaching, he told me I'm his best teacher and he would like me to help him compile work for the other teachers to do during their class time, this at any other time would be an honour, however at the moment it feels like a small lifeboat... it will give me something to aim for every week... something to drown my sorrows into.
at the same time I had a message from another one of the lecturers, who has asked me to contribute to her thesis writing class. I spent all afternoon working for it and just for that small while I was able to just forget all my hurt and sorrow and become the person that I thought had 'died' together with my baby....
I guess these two tiny little things allowed me for just a while to identify as something else... not just with the pain, but with what is left, what remains from the ashes of what I was before my child, before the greatest pain I have ever known.
who knows, maybe this is just what I need to begin to live again