How things are now
First of all, I have broken up my relationship with my girlfriend.
I'm not gay. I have never been gay.
I have nothing against people being gay, however, I, personally, am not gay, and it has been...false...being in a same-sex relationship.
So, yeah. I hurt her feelings. Even though she knew, knows I'm straight.
For God's sake, she met me when we were 10.
Anyway, because we were living like a family, and one just making it at that, it will be a while before both of us can have enough money to live separately from one another.
She has no car and I need to save enough money to move. Also, we have some mutual bills we would like to clear up.
So, we are trying to get along as friends.
An adjustment, to say the least.
I also just lost my (first) mother-in-law on New Year's Day.
She was a dear, special person to me for the better part of 30 years.
I was actually there when she passed, something I had never witnessed before. I don't know how I feel about ever witnessing something like that again.
I harbor a lot of guilt for not being AS close to her since divorcing her son. I mean, we always stayed in touch, I visited her, I even moved back to Florida to live near her again.
And then I moved away and lived apart from her for the last 10 years of her life.
So, that.
I have been dealing with a headache/neck pain since at LEAST Christmas Eve. Probably longer, but that was the first night I became aware of it. It also radiates into my shoulder.
And now, my jaw. Horrible, relentless pain in my jaw.
No matter what I try, this pain is always there. Ice, heat, Tylenol, Advil (which I am not supposed to use because of my ulcer), Vicodin, Pot. Temporary relief except for the Tylenol, which pretty much did nothing and the Vicodin, which did less AND made me nauseated. It hurts RIGHT NOW!
I have other random joint pain, and I feel stupid bringing it up at a medical appointment because they are so unrelated: like my toe and my shoulder and my hip and my ankle and already my neck and now my jaw?? Is this just fibromyalgia?
So this is my life. I should be doing other stuff. I'm not. Story of my life.
I'm not gay. I have never been gay.
I have nothing against people being gay, however, I, personally, am not gay, and it has been...false...being in a same-sex relationship.
So, yeah. I hurt her feelings. Even though she knew, knows I'm straight.
For God's sake, she met me when we were 10.
Anyway, because we were living like a family, and one just making it at that, it will be a while before both of us can have enough money to live separately from one another.
She has no car and I need to save enough money to move. Also, we have some mutual bills we would like to clear up.
So, we are trying to get along as friends.
An adjustment, to say the least.
I also just lost my (first) mother-in-law on New Year's Day.
She was a dear, special person to me for the better part of 30 years.
I was actually there when she passed, something I had never witnessed before. I don't know how I feel about ever witnessing something like that again.
I harbor a lot of guilt for not being AS close to her since divorcing her son. I mean, we always stayed in touch, I visited her, I even moved back to Florida to live near her again.
And then I moved away and lived apart from her for the last 10 years of her life.
So, that.
I have been dealing with a headache/neck pain since at LEAST Christmas Eve. Probably longer, but that was the first night I became aware of it. It also radiates into my shoulder.
And now, my jaw. Horrible, relentless pain in my jaw.
No matter what I try, this pain is always there. Ice, heat, Tylenol, Advil (which I am not supposed to use because of my ulcer), Vicodin, Pot. Temporary relief except for the Tylenol, which pretty much did nothing and the Vicodin, which did less AND made me nauseated. It hurts RIGHT NOW!
I have other random joint pain, and I feel stupid bringing it up at a medical appointment because they are so unrelated: like my toe and my shoulder and my hip and my ankle and already my neck and now my jaw?? Is this just fibromyalgia?
So this is my life. I should be doing other stuff. I'm not. Story of my life.
Replies
I understand your dilemma with the girlfriend. Sad that it got ruined by sexuality. As for the pain, I self medicated with weed for 30 years. Then my life fell apart for a terrible reason, so I quit smoking it. I smoked way too much. It will be a year off it in two weeks. Also, I was on heavy opiates and Xanax for many years., for. Bunch of health issues. I quit all that last April. I miss weed and pain/anxiety meds, but they were giving me other problems.
Now I\'m on Ultram, which only helps some. But it\'s better than nothing. No more Xanax or weed makes me a nervous wreck. You are not alone.