how sick am I?

How sick is it that I find myself wishing for physical abuse, as though that is the only way I can justify feeling so unhappy in my relationship? At least then I had a name for what was wrong with the relationship, but since he has stopped being physically violent, I can't even name what is going on. I know that the things he says and does and the way he goes about them make me angry and eventually miserable, but I can't say why. Then he claims that my problem is that I don't even know what a healthy relationship looks like because of my parents. I am 37 years old now, should't I have figured out what I want/need? Then I doubt whether I have!
 
UGGGHHH.....