How much can a person take?
As the holidays approach and I'm already stretched thin physically, mentally and emotionally, I also have to deal with an alcoholic husband. This is nothing new. He's been an alcoholic for years. In the almost 16 years we've been together, I can count on one hand the number of days he HAS NOT drank. The last, at least, 13 years, he goes through two half gallons of Wild Turkey 101 a week. On top of the 100 proof of Vodka he drinks on the weekend. Since the loss of my son, you would think I could have his support and be able to lean on him. But he's too busy drinking to worry about me. In some ways he is very helpful. But to be able to sit and cry and lean on him, no. Since my son was in the hospital, I learned a lot about respiratory rates. My husband has a very high one. Honestly, I know it's a matter of time before I lose him to his drinking. He is self-employed and works his own hours, which makes things worse. Today, he took off work so he could "hunt". I come home and, of course, he's drunk. And didn't hunt any. I can't help but wonder why I stay? I need to find a good place mentally and being around someone who is so angry all the time is just too much. If anyone has a reason to drink, it would be me. But I know that doesn't solve anything. It's just so frustrating to not be able to let my emotions flow. Especially with the holidays coming up. I've been preparing myself for my husband's death for a long time. So for my son to die first was a shock. These are horrible feelings I have. Just seem to can't find a happy place anymore.
Replies
Sweet friend you have more than your share of pain.
Sending love and hugs and prayers that you will find peaceful moments in your day.
Namaste,
Terry
I am so sorry.. I am thinking of you. The decision to stay or leave is a huge one, depending on how much you love him, the history you share, if you want to work it out, or if you would honestly be happier and start a new life without him. Unless he admits he has a drinking problem and chooses to go to rehab himself, it will not change. Keep taking care of yourself, and in time, and in your heart you will have your answer on what YOU want to do with the rest of your life.
Oh this road is all so harsh. Men grieve differently. They try to fix it or numb it. I know that my husband and I had some hard times, but nothing like you are going through. I came to FMO for the support I needed, not only about my loss but also for other things. It takes a long time to find a \"happy place\" after the loss of your child. Remember one step at a time and when that is too much one breath at a time.
Hugs,
Leda
In the midst of all this heartache you have to find a way to take care of yourself. I don\'t know exactly what would help you...but just keep trying. Right now it doesn\'t seem that hubby can...perhaps some friends...and if none \"out there\"...come here. Love and gentle hugs...Karen
Oh, I am SO sorry as having to live through the loss of your son and have your husband steeped in his addiction has to add to your sense of loneliness.
There is a wonderful book called Courage To Change that you can find on Amazon. It is the one book I could really relate to. The first thing I heard when I went to an Al-Anon meeting were the 3 C\'s, \"I didn\'t cause it, I can\'t cure it and I can\'t control it.\" Perhaps you already are aware of the support that is available to you? If not, do not hesitate to message me.
My heart is with you and oh, this just feels SO, SO heavy on top of your loss. I\'m so sorry.
One day at a time and often moment at a time... You must take care of yourself as best as you are able and know that you did nothing to cause any of this with your husband. This is his disease yet it affects the entire family and is the one disease that one can be in \"remission\" and how many diseases offer that? There is hope and please do not lose HOPE! Prayerful that your husband will tire of his life and get the help that he needs.
Understanding (((hugs)))
XO Joanie
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Wishing you some peace. Love, Kathy
Thank you, ladies! Joanie, I have went to one Al-Anon meeting. Unfortunately, since I started dealing with the sciatic nerve pain, I was unable to attend anymore. Now that I\'m back on my feet, I plan to go back. It\'s just exhausting having to deal with so much all at one time. I\'m going to try my best to get through the holidays the best that I can. I plan to decorate, even if I\'m the only one to see them. I thought our plan was to get together for Thanksgiving on Wednesday but evidently that plan has fallen through. The kids have already made their plans with their Dad and everyone else before planning it with me and it turns out my son has to work until 7pm Wednesday and it would be too late when he would get here. I finally broke down and told my daughter yesterday that I get tired of always be last. I know it\'s hard for them to get the holidays planned out with all the family. But couldn\'t they, for once, ask their Mother what her plans are first? Let ME plan MY holiday?! Instead of being told when my holiday will be? Just frustrating and sad. I guess I just need to get over it. Thanks for listening, everyone! It\'s nice to talk to someone that understands the pain that I am going through.
XOXO Penny