How Long

I guess I gotta wait 4 another day 2 see if I will walk again 2morrow.That is how I am treating my time,now,don't make any plans you cannot fulfill.Doctor's appointment is 2morrow,I'm gonna have 2 leave at 6:30 AM if I want 2 get there on time.My limited finances do not afford me the luxury of transit anymore,just not enough funds 2 do it.Trying 2 find a job has become a total bust,no luck absolutely anywhere I look or apply,no responses from anywhere I have been.This depression is going 2 try & wiggle its way in2 my psyche,but I am unwilling 2 bow under 2 the pressure from within.My family has become aloof,as I guess the not rapid enough degeneration of my condition has become a big bore 2 them,as no 1 calls,messages,e-mails or anything.I really do feel like I am totally alone,with the exception of The Lord,Jesus Christ is with me,always,providing strength from I am not aware of where,this shell surely cannot provide the kind of energy I need 2 keep this lump of flesh moving.He is everpresent,keeping me upright,I believe,through all of this agony & torment.I am not aware of any pay off 4 what I have 2 endure,my family has turned their backs on me & apparently no longer care if I am alive or dead,that appears 2 be the ammount of apathy coming from them.Finding a job seems 2 be getting further away instead of realization.I keep saying 2 myself,"Something has 2 work,here!"Guess I'm gonna have 2 stop saying that cause nothing is coming,around the corner,next door,whatever.Trying 2 fill time is all that I can do anymore,the ennui being replaced by pain,I do not know how much more I can take.Without God here with me,I would have given up long ago,my so called dad would put it this way,"Who cares!Give up!That's all you are good 4!"Those are the kinds of negative things I am trying 2 forget,not bring back 2 mind!That's the kind of thing I have 2 guard against,I guess.I have pretty much quit smoking,forced by lack of funds.That is not 2 say that when I get a few dollars,I won't run right out & get some smokes!Have 2 deal with that bridge when I get 2 it.If I get 2 it,that is!spinelessinalbertaJustKeepSmilin' :) JesusSaves! P2