How it feels
I sit in my garden, bursting with flowers. Vibrant pink, red, white, yellow, purple, orange, periwinkle, tangerine and every shade inbetween on a backdrop of a cornacopia of green hues over leaves. I try to be calmed by my months of hard work and for a moment I am distracted and at peace.
But the terrible nauseating ache on my left forehead intrudes into my serenity. Intense thirst draws me to drink from my ice cold glass of water. My eigth cup today and still I am not sated. I would like to take more Tylenol with Codeine and see if it would dull the pain, but I doubt that it would make much of a difference to the degree of hurt. It would take the pain from an 8 to a 7 and only for 2 hours, and from there, I would have to wait two more hours before I could take more medicine. Today, I fear I cannot take anymore. Today, I feel like vomitting for all the burning the codeine has done to my stomach.
My little dog barks and it is like someone has punched me in the head. That's not fair to have pain like that, where someone or something can remotely hurt you! I try not to clench my body against the pain so I take a deep breath and relax. For a breif moment it feels slightly better, but a few minutes later, I am in a rigid grip without intending to.
Oh god, but it hurts. I need to distract myself while it runs it's course but reading or watching TV is painful. Just as painful is closing my eyes and having to endure the sharp peircing pain that flares when I breath or move. How can one sleep when your head is in a twisting vice? Muscle relaxants. I am so sick of drugs. I've tried so many I can't even recite them anymore.
Nothing is working anymore and I must just endure the sickness and the pain. Hope fades and depression strengthens with the frequency of occurances making it all the harder to endure yet another day.
I am expert at surrendering.
But the terrible nauseating ache on my left forehead intrudes into my serenity. Intense thirst draws me to drink from my ice cold glass of water. My eigth cup today and still I am not sated. I would like to take more Tylenol with Codeine and see if it would dull the pain, but I doubt that it would make much of a difference to the degree of hurt. It would take the pain from an 8 to a 7 and only for 2 hours, and from there, I would have to wait two more hours before I could take more medicine. Today, I fear I cannot take anymore. Today, I feel like vomitting for all the burning the codeine has done to my stomach.
My little dog barks and it is like someone has punched me in the head. That's not fair to have pain like that, where someone or something can remotely hurt you! I try not to clench my body against the pain so I take a deep breath and relax. For a breif moment it feels slightly better, but a few minutes later, I am in a rigid grip without intending to.
Oh god, but it hurts. I need to distract myself while it runs it's course but reading or watching TV is painful. Just as painful is closing my eyes and having to endure the sharp peircing pain that flares when I breath or move. How can one sleep when your head is in a twisting vice? Muscle relaxants. I am so sick of drugs. I've tried so many I can't even recite them anymore.
Nothing is working anymore and I must just endure the sickness and the pain. Hope fades and depression strengthens with the frequency of occurances making it all the harder to endure yet another day.
I am expert at surrendering.
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