How Important is It?
That Alanon cliche has been one of the most used tools in my therapy toolbox for a very long time. The place I have used it most is during the rounds of domestic tit-for-tat that have held such a dominant part in my family dysfunction. In my birth family, epic clan disputes often errupt over things as important as how much mustard to put in egg salad. The tit-for-tat volleys can go on forever until we are kicking one another's hearts and dreams down the playing field. Domestic tit-for-tat is a brutal sport. That dysfunction slid seamlessly into the family I gave birth to. Insert preferred curse string here. . . Well, just it all. . .
Two of the items that have been relegated to not important enough to carry through another tit-for-tat round are cars in general and animal care. Every time I mention either need, I receive a barrage of opinions and mandates that are far more distracting than helpful. No shortage of car and animal experts in my life. Sometimes experts even agree with one another. Every so often. One of my longest running personal definitions of expert is, "One who can disagree with anything." I still have delusions of mechanical talent, but lack the determination to develop those talents in the prescence of macho experts.
At present, the truck I have been calling, "Boy Toy" has an expired inspection sticker, complicated by the fact that I am not in the state he is registered in. I have put some serious mileage on him in the last five months. He is in need of maintenance. He was the least loved vehicle in the driveway when I drove him out of Texas back in March. He never has been well cared for. I am having flashbacks to the double tit-for-tat skirmishes I dodged with both Hubs and ES over his usage and care. Never at the same time, of course. Both trigger viciously over hearing, "Your counter-part said ____" The two bought the truck together, so I amnae even sure whose opinion to prioritize. By the time I felt safe driving Boy Toy, both men had moved on to newer toys, but. . . I am only AssUming. I am afraid to ask.
Persilly is in need of shots. Can one still get shots for their dogs without proof of pet health plans/insurance?
Both chores need to be done. Both chores have been caught in an all-too-familiar paralysis I still have no clear understanding of or words to express comfortably.
Replies
My dog is also in need of shots. I don't have any pet insurance so I just make an appointment and pay for it. It's usually not very expensive. We got our dog when he was two and didn't know his history so I think the vet just topped him up with all new shots. The vet should be able to guide you.
The vehicle one is trickier. I can see why you are paralyzed. I had a similar situation when I was highly enmeshed with my family of origin. My car was registered and insured in their name, while they had a car registered and insured in my name. It took me two years to sort that one out. I think the first step was getting them to sell their car to me and I had to sell my car to them, which was mega hard because they made it so but it was one of the last steps to freedom.
I've never had pet health insurance. And yup, vets, especially rural ones, will set your pup up with whatever she needs.
Best vet I ever had was a rural vet that took care of farm animals 2 days/week. My ex and I had moved...twice and had yet to get a local vet. But we were back in the location of our old vet when my dog had gotten bit on the leg and his paw was starting to swell up. Labor day weekend too. The old vet would NOT see us...and yes, I begged.) So we waited and I worried, we drove home and first thing Tue morning I called the new vet hoping that we'd get in sometime that day. Well he had me drive straight over, brought us in ahead of other people waiting and told me that I should have called at midnight the night before.
What? He'd come in at midnight for someone that had never even been a patient? My dog was/is my first "child"...I'd have given him a kidney. That was 30 years ago. I'd still give him a kidney.
The paralysis has nothing to do with know how. Neither chore is proverbial rocket science. I accomplished both chores easily, many times, often while simultaneously fending off warring experts, each righter than the last and all the others to come.
Sorting. . .
Could it be the "freeze" response? Both fight and flight going off and cancelling each other out? Are you also unreasonably tired?
Is there such a thing as complex freeze? It's been going on for a while. In the early going, I think it was simple avoidance. Let the experts spurt. I'm off anywhere but here. I could almost think ignoring the frequent tit-for-tat subjects has grown into a habit, but I am still bothered by their being left undone and whelmed by anxiety -as opposed to apathy- at the thought of *simply* doing the do.
That sounds like avoidance to me. I'm sure you already know this but avoidance is a natural symptom of trauma. I wish I had an answer on how to manage or avoid the dreaded avoidance. My only coping skill at this time in my life is to take baby steps. Usually making a phone call starts the process for me. Sometimes playing scenarios helps too. I picture myself making the phone call and having the conversation.