how i regret idealizing my ex

I like to think ive been doing good on finally letting go and moving forward. Unfortunately i had to contact my ex since he let me use his account to order some school books and i needed to return them as i didnt want him to be charged for books that were mines. i emailed him and surprisingly he emailed back since he had never responded to any other emails. anyways i didnt get excited at the thought he responded which was a good thing until i noticed later that his email contact name for me was "persistent pain". when i read those words i literally felt hurt. I felt a little humilated like when i did try months ago it was because i sincerely felt i was changing but now i see all he saw was a joke. It hurts because i spent so much time idealizing a man and putting him on a pedestal for him to just think that way. the fact that i was hurting as bad and wasting so much time on someone who didnt deserve my time to be sad over. Although it hurt me to see that, im glad i saw it because even till this day i thought the best of him but now i see how immature he has handled things when all ive tried is to either make ammends or repay him for the things he did. i get it sometimes its too late but i will no longer waste any of my thoughts on a man who labels me as something like that. i know im worth more than that