How I'm feeling 03-19-17

Recently I've been worried for nothing. I've seen the unimaginable. I've seen the brutality and the peace. But for what? Can this world just simply be a "test" or could it be bigger than anything we have seen before? My friend said to me on his last moments on this cursed but beautiful world "why did I do what I did, and why didn't I do what I could have?" My mind often wanders to and from my memories of my past. I wish this world could stop the wars, the fighting, and the judgement and everything and everyone could just live together. Religion is not my answer nor should it. Personally I've been scared to commit suicide because I don't want to know what's going to happen "on the other side". A God who destroys the earth, a God who resurrects the dead to live forever, a gigantic judgement weather we go to hell or heaven, a God who makes us Gods and rulers over enormous galaxies, or even simply reincarnation. Why do we have the religions that we have? What will really happen?