How I got here

I assume I write this as if anyone is reading it, so let me start this by telling you how I got here.  Let me take you back 10 years ago when I was 32 years old, a single mother, and on medical leave from my full time job as an LPN Supervisor.  I was off work for 9 months for my ankle.  VERY long story that I won't bore anyone with details  because quite honestly, the details seem too far fetched to seem real.  I returned to work for 2 days and suffered a massive heart attack.  Life flighted, cath lab, the whole works.  Had a 99% blockage in my mid LAD, also known as the widow maker.  I shouldn't even be alive to be venting on this journal, but yet, here I type....I should be grateful... My son has his mother... I met an amazing man that accepted us both and was crazy enough to marry me..I fought off death!  Had I known what was ahead of me though, would I still have fought?  Honestly, I don't know.   A life of chronic pain, anxiety, and one blow after the next.  As cliche as it sounds, one day is often more difficult than the next and I stuggle to accept it.  What I have the most trouble accepting though is that I have become a burden to my son and to my husband.  I often have the "why me?" pity party, but I am always the only one in attendance.  It just seems like I am the butt of the joke because I was the nurse, the one that devoted her life of taking care of others!  I went into nursing when I was a single mother of an infant, so that I would always have employment!  Yet, here I sit...still typing... feeling defeated.  Unable to work because of the constant pain and health issues.  Pity party...party of one...