How I ended up here.......
Well this is my first entry, of my first day, of my first support group My name is Andrew. I am going on 25 years old. I live in a small suburb of Flint, Mi. The inner city of Flint is home to some of the roughest neighborhoods in the country. This is where I work full time as a 911 paramedic. When at home I am a part time firefighter. I am still trying to settle on where I want my life to go.
Now to the reason that brought me here. Since I was an infant I have been afflicted by a combination of disorders that has led me to a life altering vision impairment. I have optical nerve damage, astigmatism, and nystagmus. Besides having the profound eye tremors that people notice everyday, I am held back in many areas as far as my sight is concerned.
I am fortunate enough to be able to drive, but I am very limited as to where, when< and how long. I have been running into problems since I was a kid but I do my best not to be held back. As much as I push myself, I know that my lifelong dreams wont come true. I was accepted and later discharged from the U.S. Army due to my condition. I am a paid on-cal firefighter but I will never be able to live out my dream of being a professional career firefighter/paramedic. Ohh, and I cant catch a baseball so there goes that dream........( thats a joke....please laugh)
I am not a fool. I understand that to most of the world my handicap is not viewed as one at all. What I have is obscure. My story and the adversity I have run into is not a cookie cutter readers digest human interest story. Nonetheless, I wake up everyday knowing I will be affected by this. Whether it is the awkwardness of trying to look strangers in the eye, or the frustration of trying to plan my life around something I cannot change. I have chased dreams further than anyone ever thought I would and Ive felt the constant sting of knowing further than what is expected isn't the same as all the way.
For what I have and the degree in which I have it there is almost no hope of treatment. I have never met anyone with what I have or to the degree that I have it. I have never told anyone that I feel alone. I have some very good friends and loved ones who have seen what I go through and are there for me, but no one in my life knows what this is like to deal with everyday.
This is what brought me here. after 25 years of dealing with this on my own I want to talk to other people who know the same hurt that I do. My whole "fuck it I'm a tough guy Ill deal with it on my own " attitude just isn't enough all the time. I think maybe it will be good for me to talk to people and open up. I come from a long line of men that bottle things up, but when it comes to this issue I think it would do me good to talk about it........
Now to the reason that brought me here. Since I was an infant I have been afflicted by a combination of disorders that has led me to a life altering vision impairment. I have optical nerve damage, astigmatism, and nystagmus. Besides having the profound eye tremors that people notice everyday, I am held back in many areas as far as my sight is concerned.
I am fortunate enough to be able to drive, but I am very limited as to where, when< and how long. I have been running into problems since I was a kid but I do my best not to be held back. As much as I push myself, I know that my lifelong dreams wont come true. I was accepted and later discharged from the U.S. Army due to my condition. I am a paid on-cal firefighter but I will never be able to live out my dream of being a professional career firefighter/paramedic. Ohh, and I cant catch a baseball so there goes that dream........( thats a joke....please laugh)
I am not a fool. I understand that to most of the world my handicap is not viewed as one at all. What I have is obscure. My story and the adversity I have run into is not a cookie cutter readers digest human interest story. Nonetheless, I wake up everyday knowing I will be affected by this. Whether it is the awkwardness of trying to look strangers in the eye, or the frustration of trying to plan my life around something I cannot change. I have chased dreams further than anyone ever thought I would and Ive felt the constant sting of knowing further than what is expected isn't the same as all the way.
For what I have and the degree in which I have it there is almost no hope of treatment. I have never met anyone with what I have or to the degree that I have it. I have never told anyone that I feel alone. I have some very good friends and loved ones who have seen what I go through and are there for me, but no one in my life knows what this is like to deal with everyday.
This is what brought me here. after 25 years of dealing with this on my own I want to talk to other people who know the same hurt that I do. My whole "fuck it I'm a tough guy Ill deal with it on my own " attitude just isn't enough all the time. I think maybe it will be good for me to talk to people and open up. I come from a long line of men that bottle things up, but when it comes to this issue I think it would do me good to talk about it........
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