how embarrassing
I was having a rather "unstable" moment yesterday and THIS frame of mind was AFTER an Al Anon meeting ~ go figure. I am so mad at myself for leaving a rather idiotic message on my son's psych doctor's voicemail. Today is J's first appointment with this guy and I had hoped to catch him before my son saw him. I should have hung up when I had the chance. I sounded like I needed to see a doctor ~ the way I babbled. Oh - I could kick myself! I keep trying to erase in my head what I did but it won't go away.
The reason I felt compelled to call him? I am nervous about J being put on meds ~ BIG TIME~ now that it's a reality. I don't know if it's such a good idea anymore. I think if J stops drinking much of this depression will go away. The night before last he went to an AA meeting and then the next day he went and played tennis twice, went clothes shopping, and then went out to dinner with friends. I know with depression ~ it can come and go but still. The medication really made him weird last time he took them. We don't need that worry. He is more stable before taking them, now that I recall. I guess if things weren't going as well the last few days I might have a different opinion about that. All I know is that I need to let some of this go. It's so much easier to detach with T-Man than with J. J pulls me in for help. T-Man is walking shell. I didn't even talk to him the few minutes I saw him yesterday. Just don't know what to say any more. I know I'd could tell him I love him. I can only guess but I think he thinks that I've taken away what's left of the privileges out of dislike for him. My silence doesn't help. It's not like I'm giving him the "silent treatment" ~ like I said ~ I just don't know what to say......
The reason I felt compelled to call him? I am nervous about J being put on meds ~ BIG TIME~ now that it's a reality. I don't know if it's such a good idea anymore. I think if J stops drinking much of this depression will go away. The night before last he went to an AA meeting and then the next day he went and played tennis twice, went clothes shopping, and then went out to dinner with friends. I know with depression ~ it can come and go but still. The medication really made him weird last time he took them. We don't need that worry. He is more stable before taking them, now that I recall. I guess if things weren't going as well the last few days I might have a different opinion about that. All I know is that I need to let some of this go. It's so much easier to detach with T-Man than with J. J pulls me in for help. T-Man is walking shell. I didn't even talk to him the few minutes I saw him yesterday. Just don't know what to say any more. I know I'd could tell him I love him. I can only guess but I think he thinks that I've taken away what's left of the privileges out of dislike for him. My silence doesn't help. It's not like I'm giving him the "silent treatment" ~ like I said ~ I just don't know what to say......
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