How do you go on??
My name is Cheryl. May 10, 2011, we lost our 22 year old daughter,Karina, to suicide. She was beautiful and intelligent and just graduated college with honors May 2010. She had depression and a very serious eating disorder, for which she had been in treatment for. We thought things were better and then a crisis. There is so much hurt and pain and WHYS and WHAT IFS. Everyday I relive that day and finding her and all the pain . I think I am as good as I will ever be. To expect more is not reality. If not for my faith and friends and support, I don't know how I would survive. Karina was the youngest child, her sister has been a great help, but then this has been so hard for her too. I have been searching for a group for support and maybe I can help someone too. There is no pain or loss like losing your child.
Replies
I am so very sorry for your loss of your daughter Karina. You are so right Cheryl there is no pain or loss like losing your child. I lost my son Jason to suicide on 3/17/11 -- It has changed me forever, it has changed our whole family -- how could it not. It\'s so important to grieve in anyway that you need to. I\'m a crier and I\'ve cried every day since it happened and I don\'t see any end in sight...But the crying has changed a bit since the beginning -- it\'s not as often -- not as intense. For me crying relieves some of the pain. Other Moms can\'t cry they are numb, that\'s their way of grieving. We are all different, but whatever way is right for us it\'s something we need to do. We can\'t just go on with our lives because part of our lives are gone. We have to reconstruct what is left. This is the only group that can say \'we feel your pain\' and you know it\'s true. I\'ve tortured myself with the whys and what ifs over and over again, but I\'m trying very hard not to go there anymore, the hurt is too great and it\'s time for me to let it go, the what ifs didn\'t happen and the whys -- I will never really know. Sending you love and prayers for peace in your heart, Terry
Thank you so much. Both of our losses are very new. I seem to cry some every day so I know what you are saying. I have told friends that I am about as good as I will be, because part of me is not here, at least not in body. to expect to fell OKAY is not reality. We were older when Karina was born and it has left a hole filled with pain and hurt and missing her life.
Do you have other children? It would be really hard if one lost an only child. I cannot imagine that, but then I couldn\'t imagine losing my child anyway.
Hello new friend. I am so sorry to learn of the passing of your wonderful daughter. So beautiful, so intelligent, so much promise.... I am heart broken that in that moment in time she felt no other answer was hers. So very tragic. Several moms here have lost their incredible children to suicide and I know they will be reaching out to you. I found this site a couple of months after my 17 year old daughter, Kala, was in a car accident. I never could have begun to imagine surviving....but, I found this site and my journey toward finding hope began. The moms here are wonderfully compassionate and truly \"get it\" and truly care about each other and our kids. Your pain is still so fresh, please be gentle with yourself as you stumble to find your footing again. Old cliche\'s like \"one day at a time\" speak much truth. In the beginning all we can hope for is to breathe, moment by moment, and get through one day at a time. For me, being able to share my heart...all the pain, the anger, the questions...in my journals and have other mom respond with love and compassion and understanding has meant the world to me. No greater loss is there than the loss of a child, and no greater group of women is there than the women of ForMomsOnly. Take care dear friend, rest often, eat something healthy everyday, and when you can, walk in the sunshine, journal, read journals, and take it one day at a time for now. You are in my thoughts and prayers, love, Teri.
I am so sorry for your loss..your pain. It is so unbearable at times, we don\'t know how we can go on, how can we survive, sometimes we don\'t want to survive. My son Doug, 22, was in a fatal car accident in April 2004, just weeks before his 23rd birthday. My world was shattered. I only wanted to be with him, no matter I had an older son, it didn\'t make sense. I had so many panic attacks, crying jags. The sisters-of-the-heart on this website helped me immensely,loved and supported me immensely; told me I would survive, didn\'t believe it but here I am, saying you will survive, it sucks yes, but we do continue on, as our children would want us to they would not want us to torture ourselves with the what ifs, whys and if onlys. It is hard to accept don\'t know if I ever will. Constantly yearn for his physical presence. I am a big believer in journaling, here on fmo, and I\'ve kept a private journal written to Doug since the beginning; I try to feel his presence with me, hear his voice. It is a new way of communicating. Be gentle with yourself, find ways to nurture yourself. Karina would want you to take care of her mom. Love and hugs, Sue xo
I want to thank each Mom who has responded to me. I don\'t get on as often as I would like. I still work and seem to get things accomplished so slowly these days. It is so hard to \"cope\" with losing a child in any way. I still have trouble going to the part of the house where Karina\'s room is and where she died. Seems she should walk out and it hurts so much and seems so unreal and so unfair.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful and beloved daughter, Karina. There is no making sense of this devastating tragedy and please just do this moment and be so gentle with yourself as your loss is so very fresh and raw.
I lost my son to an accidental drug overdose in July of 2008, and these compassionate and wise women have been holding my hand ever since companioning me in ways that only a mother who is walking this path can.
Just know that everything you are feeling is as it needs to be for now. We have all felt it and are feeling it right alongside you. The simple knowing that we are not alone in this deep abyss can help so much.
Thinking of you! Love, Joanie
Hi, I wanted to say i am so sorry for the loss of your daughter...It is a rough road to be on and we here are traveling it together one day one step, one breath at a time..Yes it is the most painful things a mom will ever go through...When we think we could have pain any more than life has given us already than the worst of all pain comes and we struggle just to breath...I know this pain of a heart is in so many pieces and trying to figure out how to put it back together probably takes a life time...Again I am o very sorry, Sandi