How do we honor our love ones
The one year mark is approaching and I am so confused. How do we honor our love one? Do we think of them being gone? Do we mourn their death? I want to do what my husband would have wanted and I want to honor him not his death. I am so confused. I have thought about this so much and need your feedbacks.
My husband was about life, love, caring, sharing, family, friends, having a good time and he love food and music, so I have decided to do the following:
I will start the day with a mass in his honor at 11:30 am and then I will have family and friends at home or at the gravesite (still undecided) for brunch for about an hour. At about 1:00, I will ask them to go to the gravesite where a Mariachi band will be playing for an hour. He loved to sing and he had the most wonderful voice. I want them to sing some of his favorite songs. After that I will ask family and friends if they would like to come home for some lunch and listen to more music and play cards as my husband loved to do. At 4 pm there will be another mass held in honor of my husband and then I will head to the gravesite where I will release some doves. I know that I will cry but I want to honor my husband live not his death. He deserves to be remember as what he was not what he is now.
I am confused because I don't want someone to think that I am celebrating the fact that my husband passed away. I miss him so much and I want it to be about his life not his death. There is not a day that goes by that I don't cry or miss him so much. These days when I see his picture I feel such a emotion that is hard to explain and the tears start falling. Life will never be the same without him. I love him more and more everyday. I will also be giving some plants to family and friends to plant in his honor. My children and immediate family will wear T-Shirts with his photo on it.
Am I wrong by want to do it this way? I love my husband and want him back and I cannot understand why he had to leave me. I am trying my best to understand God's plans but I am not find an answer. I look forward to the day that I can finally see my husband and be with him for eternity. I just feel like if Life sucks at this time.
Thank you for your support
My husband was about life, love, caring, sharing, family, friends, having a good time and he love food and music, so I have decided to do the following:
I will start the day with a mass in his honor at 11:30 am and then I will have family and friends at home or at the gravesite (still undecided) for brunch for about an hour. At about 1:00, I will ask them to go to the gravesite where a Mariachi band will be playing for an hour. He loved to sing and he had the most wonderful voice. I want them to sing some of his favorite songs. After that I will ask family and friends if they would like to come home for some lunch and listen to more music and play cards as my husband loved to do. At 4 pm there will be another mass held in honor of my husband and then I will head to the gravesite where I will release some doves. I know that I will cry but I want to honor my husband live not his death. He deserves to be remember as what he was not what he is now.
I am confused because I don't want someone to think that I am celebrating the fact that my husband passed away. I miss him so much and I want it to be about his life not his death. There is not a day that goes by that I don't cry or miss him so much. These days when I see his picture I feel such a emotion that is hard to explain and the tears start falling. Life will never be the same without him. I love him more and more everyday. I will also be giving some plants to family and friends to plant in his honor. My children and immediate family will wear T-Shirts with his photo on it.
Am I wrong by want to do it this way? I love my husband and want him back and I cannot understand why he had to leave me. I am trying my best to understand God's plans but I am not find an answer. I look forward to the day that I can finally see my husband and be with him for eternity. I just feel like if Life sucks at this time.
Thank you for your support
Replies
It does suck at this time in our lives. I think the day you have planned sounds wonderful!!!! Why don\'t you have the priest announce either before or after the first mass that you are celebrating your husbands life today. For those who don\'t understand - they won\'t no matter what you said. Do what is right for \"you\". I have already pasted my one year mark - it will help you to have a day filled with activities. I think you are honoring your husband the best way you can. Wishing you Peace - Rhonda
I think what we do is celebrate our loved ones lives...not their death. All the good memories....the funny...the sad....the happy times....those are memories that stay with you forever. I think your plans sound good....and for anyone who does not understand....don\'t worry about them. Take care
I agree that it will be hard. My one year is approaching as well and I certainly can\'t say it\'s an anniversary. That day will forever suck and I\'m not sure I will do anything but say a prayer for her and hope she\'s proud of her family. She\'ll forever be idolized and missed. Whatever you plan I know will be wonderful. Hugs, Kip.
On the first year anniversary of my husbands death..Our family went to the grave site and brought flowers and we all said..We miss you and love you...After that the kids did not want to do that any more..It was to hard and they told me he was not there but in heaven...They wanted to see him in heaven and not in the grave. We didn\'t go back to the grave together after that..I always went alone the past 2 years and each time I brough flowers and talk to him,.but I knew he was not here....I think you have to do what is best for you....Others will understand...At Christmas I bought ballons and we all released ballons for him..That was awesome...HAng in there...one day at a time!!
Confusion is a symptom of grief dont let it mess with your mind, just follow your heart. It sounds like you have a wonderful day planned and it also sounds like a celebration of Carlos life. I am sure it would make him happy and very proud of you for all of your efforts to show your love in such an exceptional way. Again dont think about what people are going to think just follow your heart, thats all that matters.
I pray you have a peaceful day and a good weekend.
Hugs,
Ron
I think what you have planned sounds just wonderful and I agree..my husband was all about life and living and enjoying every little thing around him. To spend the day mouring and being sad I don\'t think is good..I know in some cultures that is what they do but I believe we should celebrate their lives and all the good things they did and loved...enjoy..hugs Ellen
If what you have planned makes you feel better and what will make you happy then that is what you should do. What other people say or do is not important most of them (thank goodness for them) do not know what we are going through, The one year mark for me was this past Tuesday the 15th. My darling daughter took the day off we went shopping had a pedicure and then took my granddaughter to a beach to play in the sand and water. There were times I felt so guilty doing these things but my daughter would keep reminding me that Dan would want me to be doing things and smiling. I too had thought of what to do on this date and really loved the idea of balloons sent up to heaven by the family I decided I didn\'t want to do that on the date he died so we\'ve decieded to do it on or near his birthday. I don\'t want the grandbabies to ever forget their grandpa so hopefully this will help and they can draw pictures or write on their balloons and send them up to grandpa. Not sure how this will work they still want to know when he\'s coming back and why he went away and where he is they are only 2 and 3 Guess I can\'t blame them I ask those questions every day. Hopefully what ever you do you will find just a little peace. Just remember he has never really left you he is still in your heart as you are in his. I wish you love and peace and lots and lots of hugs you will get through this please let me know how things go
Hugs Debbie
What you are planning sounds like a lovely way to honor your husband. I wish you peace and strength as you get through this event.
Linda, your plans are just that..YOUR PLANS! Carlos was obviously a fun loving man and I am sure he would want you to celebrate his life by doing fun things. Although it will be hard as the pain is still so new, he will be smiling down on you. Good luck with the day!!!
Sending extra hugs...
Linda - do what\'s in your heart only - that\'s all that counts. I think your plan for the day sounds absolutely beautiful. Don\'t second guess yourself - there\'s no such thing as right or wrong here. I\'m kind of picturing Carlos clapping his hands, smiling, and saying, \"way to go, baby!\" Love and hugs, Marsha
What you have planned sounds like a lovely idea.
Thank you all for your help. Like most of you have stated to do what my heart wants and that is exactly what I will do. As Masha said, \"Carlos will be clapping his hands\" He will be happy and smiling down on us. Once again thank you all. Hugs Linda