How do I stop missing you!
I don't know how to stop missing you! I have attended more things than I ever thought possible, but I can't stop missing you! When I am alone with my thoughts all the memories come flooding back. I do not know how to get through this. I still get that kick in the stomach when I think of you and the fact that you are gone. It is just so unfathomable. I see or talk to the kids and want to share their lives, but you are not here. I look at those beautiful grand daughters and think of how you so adored them and they will have no more new memories of you. Our little grand son due in February will never know you. This so called life without you is miserable because I can't hold you or talk to you or share our days together. I am left to carry on without you and the perminance of this situation reduces me to tears. Hell, everything reduces me to tears because I think of you all the time. How could I not? I know no different. You were by my side for forty years. We scraped and struggled together to make such a wonderful marriage, so truly devoted to each other. You were the better half of me. There would have been no kids or grands without you. I am just overwhelmed with the thought of you not being here. I have cried more these last six months than in my entire life. You seldom ever saw me cry. Tears are supposed to be cleansing, but I feel like shit when I stop. Your absense has affected everything, everyday. Even when I laugh, then I think of you. I miss you being here to share joy. I am so scared to look at the future knowing you aren't here to comfort me. The kids are doing fine, and I put up a good front, but none of them know how I truly feel. I went to Avah's birthday party yesterday and cried half the way there and half the way back. I turn the radio on and something triggers a memory and I cry. We had been down the interstate more times than I can count but you were always there. And now I am alone. Honey the two of us spent most of our time together all those years. We didn't have other couples to hang out with because of our schedules, we did everything together and shared everthing with each other. And I have no one to share with anymore. There is no one on this earth that loved me and needed me as you. And I loved no one or needed anyone as much as I still need you. The only thing keeping me going is knowing each day I exist is a day closer to being reunited with you. I know I have to go on for the kids and grands, but without you I feel so empty. Please Dear whoever help me find a way to stop crying and missing you so much. I love you just as much today as yesterday and I always will. Life is just so very cruel. How long before we are reunited? Any amount of time just seems impossible to fathom. God knows you suffered too much and for too long and I wouldn't want you to suffer any longer. I hope you are at peace, I would have given anything to take your pain and suffering away. So, here I am, trying to cope, adjust, manage, find joy and comfort. find some kind of meaning to losing you but nothing seems to make any sense. I love you Honey and God how I miss you! Forever yours, Michele
Replies
I hear you Michele! Life can be so cruel, and what we would just give for something magical to take away the pain and loneliness. We have lost our better half, but we must find our way through this darkness that is all to consuming. We will, we will survive, we will be stronger, and we will make them proud..........it is just something we will have to work on every single day. Hugs. Katrina
Oh Michele you have just said exactly what I have been saying over and over for the past 14 months. Yes, believe me when I say it does get a little bit better as time passes, but the tears are always just under the surface waiting to burst at any time. The littlest thing will cause the dam to burst. I can truly say that the 2nd year is harder is many ways although the tsunami\'s are shorter and maybe less intense. There is really no pain that can compare to this. I still say almost daily that I cannot believe that he is gone. I know he is, but my human brain really cannot comprehend it. I am so sorry that you are going through this agony, but if it helps at all, know that each and every one of us is living in our own special kind of Hell alone here without our other half.
I wish you some peace and that you will again be able to find a little bit of joy in your future. We must go on until we meet again. That day cannot come soon enough for those of us left behind, Blessings to you, Robyn
Michele, I could have been writing what you wrote to my Morey. I totally understand how you\'re feeling and I promise you at almost 2 1/2 years it doesn\'t hurt as much just differently.
I can weep at the sound of a song playing on the radio, I can stare into space when I get a vision of him in my head, I can start to cry just driving up the street to our home but all of this is shorter than it was and it\'s easier to find my reality now.
My heart is still broken but is mending like a deep, deep wound.
Because I believe that we move on to another life after we die I\'m hoping that in a next life I will look into someone\'s eyes and see Morey\'s soul and in this way we will be together again. A love like ours can\'t just vaporize and go away it MUST live on.
The grace and peace that the love that you shared with your mate will comfort you in the days ahead instead of making you sick and saddened, it will be there for you to embrace. It will be there to envelope you and warm your spirit.
I send you my love, and thank you for sharing your love with us.
Roz
Michelle---I feel your pain, your anguish, your sadness, mostly your love for your husband. Sometimes the best way to cope is to let the tears flow and you are doing that. A broken heart cannot be completely restored, but it can be healed, with tears and love. At the same time you feel the pain, you are also healing the wound. It is wonderful you have children and grand children. Take it comfort that they are forever the symbol of your husband and you. Nothing can take that away from you. Hugs and love, Tiger
Michele. ..I have asked myself the why question many times and never found an answer...when I read this journal tho I see a lot of the \"because of the love you both shared\" ..I know the pain you feel but For this moment I will embrace the love you feel....beautiful my friend beautiful
Michele-I hear you and i feel what you feel. I don\'t think the pain ever really goes I am just hoping in numbs a bit- love Patti