how did this happen?

                        funkin' drunkin'. it was fun. go to band practice, drink a case of beer, go to the bar, drink guiness and shots of jaeger, go home and drink beer until someone was sobered up enough to drive. go eat. call it a day. do again the next day.     get off work, walk out kitchen to the bar, drink, drink, drunk. i'm it. chase the buzz around the town. not there, here the bartender will hook me up. just get on my tab. then blackout.     i 'came to' from a black out standidg in the middle of a street, with no clues. i just kept walking in the same direction, and went home. to a bottle of wild turkey. another one the next night. and a plan. drink so much that i won't wake up from the blackout, until i wake up in the afternoon.     i cussed my friends, thought it was charming. harangued people, was a general pain in the ass. if they didn't like it, fuck 'em with a running start.    of course,  sober people don't act this way. normal people don't act this way. healthy people don't act this way.     those people don't know jack. they are the uninitiated, they are missing out, they are fucking stupid.      God, i wish i was like those people. their problems are little problems, their realities controllable, their actions definable, and defensible. they have memories, jobs that pay, jobs with benefitssomeone waiting at home. they have homes not emptiness, careers not jobs, vacations not binges. they have tommorows, stabilities, and loves.                                          Good Night.