HOW CAN HE ?????!!!!!

WHY does He do this to ME ??????!!!! He CLAIMS He LOVES ME one moment, but then the slightest thing sets off His RAGE, and He's HURTING ME... AGAIN !!!!! Today HIS EXCUSE was that He's supposedly TIRED OF BEING MY ' BABY-SITTER ', and that I don't pick up after Myself enough !!!!!  He said He's sick of picking up after Me !... AS IF I'm some sort of SLOB, or something... and I assure You I AM NOT ! His idea of supposedly NOT Picking up after Yourself, is IF You DON'T JUMP UP as soon as You're done eating, and IMMEDIATELY take Your dishes, and/or silverware - and any throw away any containers involved with the meal.... to the Kitchen ! You're NOT supposed to sit there and RELAX at all ! YOU'RE LAZY, AND STUPID, if You don't JUMP UP AND DO IT RIGHT AWAY ! He came back from a Walk this Afternoon, right after I had JUST FINISHED eating My Lunch from Meals on Wheels - ( I get that Mon.-Fri. because I am ' housebound ' practically since I don't have a Car, and I'm Disabled due to My Knees, and I'm on an Extremely Limited Income due to being on Disability ) - and as soon as He saw that I hadn't YET thrown away the trash from My Lunch, or put my Silverware in the Kitchen Sink, RAGE started to VERY RAPIDLY build in Him until the Next Thing I know as I'm sitting there innocently in my recliner chair, He crushes up the bag from my Lunch with the empty styrofoam containers in it, and He CHARGES AT ME... HITTING MY RIGHT ARM WITH THE BAG !!!!!! HARD !!!! When I reacted to this - naturally - He answered My SHOCK back by PUNCHING THE LOWER AREA OF MY RIGHT LEG, AND THE SIDE OF MY RIGHT ANKLE, VERY HARD ABOUT 4 TIMES WITH HIS CLOSED FIST !!!!!!!! At One Point when He was PUNCHING MY LEG, I even BEGGED HIM TO STOP !!!! Once He had stopped, and He realized how UPSET I was, He picked up a large heavy metal Ruler, and THREATENED TO HIT ME with IF I DIDN'T SIT BACK, AND NOT MAKE A SOUND !!!!!!!!! So terrified, of course, I sat back... in a LOT of EXTREME PAIN from Him HURTING ME, and VERY UPSET at the Fact that He did ALL of this over something SO TRIVIAL !I just sat in my Recliner Chair, and stared directly in front of Me at the TV.... not saying a Word.... NOT even looking His Way at all ! There was NO WAY I was going to give HIM the satisfaction of clearly seeing the TEARS rolling down my FACE ! I had to kind of slightly bite my lips for a while to stop the urge to sob loudly, but I managed to squelch it... and bury the Pain.  I could feel Him staring at Me for awhile... I don't know WHAT He thought I was going to SAY, or DO, but for as long as I could I resisted the urge to stare back at Him ! I thought about calling the COPS on Him. I KNOW... YES, of COURSE, I know that He would have FULLY DESERVED IT ! BUT.... WHAT good would it really do ?????! What I mean to say is that, for ONE THING.... with HIM staring Me down, anyways, there was NO WAY that I could have even got ANYWHERE NEAR THE PHONE ! PLUS... for another thing, even IF He had let Me make the CALL, then EITHER ONE OF TWO THINGS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.... EITHER HE WOULD HAVE SIMPLY LEFT BEFORE THE COPS SHOWED UP,OR THE WORST SCENARIO.... HE WOULD HAVE STUCK AROUND, AND HURT ME EVEN MORE, WHILE WAITING FOR THE COPS TO SHOW UP !  PLUS.... whenever He's ever been in a RAGE, He's ALWAYS SAID that IF the COPS should show up, that They would have to FORCE Their Way into the Apartment, and SHOOT HIM, because there'd be NO WAY He'd let Them Arrest Him !!!!! So.... I HOPE that You can see My Point.... that calling the COPS would NOT have helped Me at all !... it really wouldn't have. BESIDES.... say even IF the COPS had been called, and They had arrested Him, THEN WHAT ???? ... Because chances are He'd be OUT on Bond fairly soon, then He'd be FREE to come Over here, and Threaten Me, and Harrass Me, for putting Him in Jail..... as He would put it ! He wouldn't blame Himself, I already know that... He would see it as all MY FAULT, if I had called the COPS ! He'd NEVER forgive Me, and with His RAGE I DON'T want to make Him an ENEMY of Mine ! WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE ???????? I'M NOT REALLY SURE. The thing is, tonight He's OUT supposedly attending A.A. Meetings, and the Afterwards He said He's going to spend the NIGHT at an A.A. Friend's House - AS WELL AS spend ALL DAY TOMORROW - into the Evening, with the A. A. Friend as well ! DO I BELIEVE THAT STORY ?????? HMMMMMMM HONESTLY, NOT REALLY ! WHY SHOULD I AFTER EVERYTHING HE'S PUT ME THROUGH, AND AFTER ALL OF THE LIES HE'S TOLD ME IN THE PAST ?????!!!! He definitely hasn't really EARNED MY TRUST, that's for sure ! So for all I REALLY KNOW.... He COULD BE with Another Woman RIGHT NOW !!!! Am I UPSET at that possibility ????? Surprisingly to Me, not as much as I would THINK I would be !Because in a very cold, and calculating way, I'm thinking.... OKAY, well... IF He is " UP TO NO GOOD " this Weekend - we'll call it..... then I only have ONE real HOPE. I would HOPE that SOON the REAL TRUTH of Things will come out, and when it does I'll tell Him to LEAVE ! Because I told Him LONG BEFORE WE got back TOGETHER AGAIN... the Last Time... that I would NEVER tolerate Him CHEATING ON ME..... NOT EVER AGAIN... AND THAT IF HE DID, THEN THAT'S IT... IT'D BE OVER FOR GOOD... FOR ALWAYS.. FOR " US " !!!! So... Who knows ???? I guess Time will Tell..... IF THIS WEEKEND was TRULY all about A.A., OR IF it was about some SLUT that He Met ONLINE !!!! UNTIL then..... SOMEHOW.... I HAVE TO STAY SAFE ! I know this.I can't LIVE like this ! I CAN'T be His " Personal Punching Bag " ! Oh... and BTW.... OF course this WON'T come as a Surprise to ANY OF YOU, and it really didn't Surprise Me, either...  BUT... EVEN WHEN He had finally come out of HIS FULL-BLOWN RAGE, and He KNEW HOW MUCH He HURT ME, HE NEVER APOLOGIZED FOR WHAT HE DID !!!!! IF ANYTHING.... WITH HIS SILENCE, I TOOK THAT AS HIS WAY OF STICKING TO HIS BELIEF THAT WHAT HE DID WAS JUSTIFIED !!!!! AND THIS FROM THE ONE THAT SAYS... " I LOVE YOU ! "