How am I ?

My rainbow baby arrived a month ago yesterday. As it happens to be my angel baby and rainbow baby do not share each others birthday. Awkwardly they are still exactly one yr apart. Here is the similarities that really stood out that very first week. My dear Wyatt was born on Tuesday July 12, 2011 at 11:56 am. My rainbow baby boy was born Tuesday July 10, 2012 at 12:23 pm So much was the same that first week of Chandlers life as it happened to be one yr ago. It does make me wander if Chandlers brother had a hand in it. The hospital wanted to send us home the next day but I opted to stay to avoid having a repeat in days. Only realizing that morning of the 12 th sitting in the quite of my room that a yr ago I was laboring to give birth to my dear son Wyatt and without realizing it we went home on Wyatts first birthday. When I walked in my door of my home and took the baby out of his carseat I looked at the clock and it was 11:56 am. I held Chandler and cryied so hard.  If we would have went home when the hospital wanted us too. Chandler would have had a doctors appt on Friday in which Wyatt had that Friday a yr earlier. We ended up having an appt set for Monday just as his brother had one set on a Monday also. I ended up having to go out of the house Saturday to go grocery shopping just the same as I did exactly the yr before. It even ended up raining that evening just as it had done that same Saturday last yr. By that point I really became scared as it had hit me that everything was adding up like it did before. That Saturday was the last Saturday I had with my little Wyatt before he had died. Im still thinking back to Sunday morning hearing my dear Chandler cry, The joy I felt was as much sorrow and pain that I had felt just wishing to hear my dear Wyatt cry one more time. My little Chandler is a month old and is doing so well but the tears just keep flowing, I am so happy to have Chandler in my life, just wishing his big brother Wyatt could be with us here too. Altho I have 3 children and this was our 3rd time coming home, I have felt like a brand new parent to this new baby boy. I am so scared of everything and its really starting to hit home now.  Feeling alone with my emotions! This experience as been a lot to take in.