House Search

A few weeks ago a house in my area came up for sale in a good location, good price. I've always liked the place and I would have been neighbors with several family members. Everything just seemed meant to be, so I talked to a lender in my area, got pre approved for the loan, contacted the realtor, saw the house, and put in an offer.

But it didn't work out. They accepted a much higher offer. I feel a huge let down. I compare it to going on a date with a really nice guy and you can just see your life together and feel such a good fit. Then he ends up with some other girl he likes better. That's exactly how it feels to not get a house you really want.

Anyway I'm trying not to be super depressed about it. My fiance keeps saying the rooms were too small anyway, or various other things wrong. I think it is better to wait until we find something better and have more money saved for a down payment.

It was just so empowering to go talk to a lender and get really good financial advice. To know I could do it, on my own, no help from anyone. It was nice to finally start seeing a future for myself.

I guess now I can concentrate on solving other problems in my life instead of worrying about a house. Where to start tho.

Let's see I have a contract to sign and notarize for leasing a piece of my farm so that I can pay taxes this year. I have to coerce my mother to give me several important documents so that my brother and I can go to a lawyer, and likely an assessor, so that we can remove our other brother's name from property deeds and essentially buy out his share, if that is even possible. So then we will be able to actually farm our land, sell some, and eventually invest in some equipment. At least that is our dream, my brother and I.

I think this year I need to work on that while saving money. My fiance has a new job, a good one, and he plans to work on fixing his credit and debt this year.

Next year maybe we can worry about finding a house and getting married and all that. The thing is, I'm having health issues still and I need to make a doctor appointment. I may not be able to get pregnant, but I don't really want kids anyway. The thing is, I went off my pill because I was supposed to start a hormone therapy but that never worked out. So we just use condoms, but those don't help my pain and bad periods. I just hate to go back on the pill when I am trying to lose weight and what if soon we wanted to try to have a kid and just see if we could? I'm pretty sure he is shooting blanks but still.

I guess going and looking at that house awakened some nesting urge in me. Which is just darn weird because I don't associate happy people with parents. I think about things I want in life and a satisfying job and more education is at the top of my list. But after seeing that house, a happy home to call my own is up there too, and the freedom it brings to have my own things and decorate and make decisions. I don't have that at my house. I am just covered up with work and two dead weights to take care of who call all the shots. At least that's how I feel.

It's overwhelming and hard to prioritize, but talking to my brother, at least I think maybe we are on the same page and he may help me even tho we arent close.

Btw my fiance has straightened up alot. He no longer hangs out with his deadbeat drugee friends half his age. He has a new good job that he really likes where he can't so drugs, so he is off all the drugs and no cigarettes either, drinks a bit, but responsibly. And I think I finally got him on, if not the same page, the same chapter as me.

We will see how this summer goes. I need to lose weight so I guess yardwork is what I will be doing. I don't mow or weedeat tho. I have to put my foot down somewhere. Flower beds, vegetable patches, borders, fences, walkways. I will do those I guess. He says he will tear down the old shed. Like I said, we will see. Maybe if I fix up current house it will sell for more in future.