Hot and hopeful
Good grief it is a hot one today in sunny So. Cal.. I used to love hot weather. A part of me still does, but unfortunately my body does not like the heat. Sometimes I am struck with the unfairness of this disease. I mean I used to be an avid runner, with great legs, I life-guarded on the beach, I still teach PE (I love it), and I loved being in the sun. Well, this darn disease. I had to retire from lifeguarding, can't run, sometimes barely walk , and my body wilts under heat. Sometimes it feels like this disease has stolen bits and pieces of who I am.
I say that today with no real anger or sadness. Just an observation today. Not that I always feel this way. My focus remains being positive and seeking out joy in my life. This focus has certainly helped me these past few months. I have been more joyful, less stressed, and finding some peace. I did cry last night. I cried for the confident girl with great legs who used to have so much more freedom. Freedom to move.
And today I once again focus on what "I can do". Not to mourn for what I can no longer do. I am learning to enjoy new ways of moving. I am learning to love the pain in my back from the off kilt gait. If I have pain I am still walking. I am grateful for that. i think I am getting stronger. I have more energy. I work out 4 times a week. Workouts that used to be so simple and easy I would not have called them a workout. But any movement is good in my book.
God is good. He will use this disease for a greater good. He will heal me in this life or the next. In heaven I will be running free.
I say that today with no real anger or sadness. Just an observation today. Not that I always feel this way. My focus remains being positive and seeking out joy in my life. This focus has certainly helped me these past few months. I have been more joyful, less stressed, and finding some peace. I did cry last night. I cried for the confident girl with great legs who used to have so much more freedom. Freedom to move.
And today I once again focus on what "I can do". Not to mourn for what I can no longer do. I am learning to enjoy new ways of moving. I am learning to love the pain in my back from the off kilt gait. If I have pain I am still walking. I am grateful for that. i think I am getting stronger. I have more energy. I work out 4 times a week. Workouts that used to be so simple and easy I would not have called them a workout. But any movement is good in my book.
God is good. He will use this disease for a greater good. He will heal me in this life or the next. In heaven I will be running free.
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