Hospital visit

Last week my mother-in-law and I took a visit into the hopsital where my wife spent the last 4 months of her life.  It wasn't as difficult as I expected.  I think partly because when she was on the two units she split her time during her stay she was improving and taking strides towards coming home.  And we got to know so many of the doctors and nurse very well so I wanted to see them.  In fact, I've already had one of the nurses to my home and I'm getting together with another one in a couple weeks.  Some of them became like family and will now stay in my life for a long time.  We did not, however, visit the ER.  That is where things ended.  I imagine that would have been much harder.  As wonderful as they were to the 30 or so of us that were with her that final day I do not want to go relive that.
Overall I must admit that I have been doing much better than I would have expected.  It's not easy by any measure but day to day I'm doing okay and moving forward, even though I feel like I shouldn't be.  My daughter is the primary reason.  She keeps me moving forward and keeps a smile on my face like only a 3 year old can.  My large, loving family and large but very tight-knit circle of friends also helps quite a bit.  We do not want for anything thanks to them.  I also feel like the hospitalization period was a bit of a transition.  Sadly our routine hasn't changed a whole lot since the day she passed.  While what took her life was not related to the battles she was fighting she had been so sick for so long it wasn't completely out of the blue that something terrible finally happened.  And I had prepared myself for this on at least one occasion before and thought about it on several others.  All of this has, I think, made it just a little bit easier to handle compared to it were just out of nowhere.  Not that it is easy, and not that I don't think of her every moment, but the fact that I'm getting by as well as I am is surpising to me.