HOSPITAL
THIS HAS BEEN A FEW TIRING WEEKS...Mom turned 90on May 29...a good long life....She was happy to see me when she saw me get out of the car.....Everything was fine...We talked about her birthday and just had a good time.....in less than a week I get a call that her color is bad...she is still complaning of her pain that seems they just give her Loratab and it like eathing a piece of candy...but when I got there to visit, she wasn't talking just hanging her head. i couldn't get her to talk at all...fianlly we left....we go for our regular visit again. She had fallen that morning..has cuts on her feet. that day she was being put in bed....I spent 4 hours with her and finally I got in bed with her and massaged her on her legs, back, her head...the fall hurt her foot...still don't know why her foot hurts...She has not been eating for 10 days...they finally realized she was dehydrated and put her on iv FLUIDS. On Sat they called and said she did't look good and felt she needed to be taken to the hospital....so they did...it is an hour drive for me so by the time I got there they had decided to send her back to the nursing home...FURSTATED .....so they took her back...Went back the next day she was so pale, she looked dead....End up we are back at ER...this time we have 3 really good doctors....they felt she needed to be admitted...so he had to check Medicare rules to see if she could be admitted...WHAT...SHE IS DEHYDRATED...HAS NOT EATEN IN 7 DAYS ON IV FLUIDS AND MEDICARE CAN SAY NO. Luckilyl he got he approved....they still are not giving her anyting to help with the pain but Loratab....Finally the we get over there in time to see the doctor..so today the doctor wants to put her on IV pain meds...but it could increases her chances of dying...My sister says NO....we were not too happy with each other....I felt at 90 and it is really God who decides...she has bi-lateral penomia...serious bladder infection and constant severe pain////so as it stands now she is on percocet which seems to be helping....more....yesterday she began to start having color in her face...she still will not eat...So decision was made to not give her IV meds...I went and talked to the doctor alone and she said what it is your family want some quality of life she has left....that is what i want I suffer pain 24 seven I know what it is like....so when and if she goes back to the nursing home the shrse will call in Hospice...which can be of help in getting her feeling better not having to lay in bed with pain.......So right now she is at 50/50 chance of survival...we all know they can make a turn for the worse, get better for a while, then they go down...I really thought in all the talks my sister had with me the we were in agreement of keepiing her comfortable...well, I guess it just a hard thing to make that decision. The thing is I am the one who take care of her..my sister has only been to the nursing home 1 time in a year to see mom....I know when the time comes I will still not be ready...but I know mom is ready....when someone has no quality of life, it's time to let her go even if you don't want too...so hope everyone ill say a prayer for mom and our family...I am very very tired..with the pain I deal with does not helps any. So everyday it an 2 hour trip to the hospital..but I will spend as much time as I can with mom...The dr really thinks moms time is near...so say a prayer for all of us....much love to all..
Sandi
Replies
You have my prayers during this difficult time, Sandi.
It is always so hard to lose our moms no matter what their ages are. I remember how I felt and still do with mine and it's been almost seven years now. For me what has given me the most peace and comfort is knowing that nothing was left unsaid between us. Hoping that you feel that peace too within your heart. Loving care dear Sandi and positive affirmations for your mom and you during this tender time. XO Joanie
A bladder infection can really cause problems...get the antibiotics to fix that...
I have had to make these choices... and I did choose to let them give her pain meds even though I knew it would kill her... she had refused any further treatment and asked us to let her go... and I had to respect that... Still sometimes I question my decision... and yet I know I do not want to be kept alive even though I love my family... when I can not live without constant pain, unable to function in any meaningful way... I want to be allowed to go... so I pray deeply and sincerely that God will ease your mother's path... I pray you will find comfort in the days and weeks to come. I am so sorry for your pain. This is hard. We are here. Hugs Elissa
I lost my Mom just after I turned 15, I did not have a choice in her care but I watched her after school get better and get worse time after time. God finally took her after my 15th birthday. I heard her pain at the end and I remember when someone like yourself is in this situation. It is very hard to let go but in your mind you know it is ok but your heart is broken with the loss. It does sound like you are on your own with a step in sister when she feels like it. DO NOT let her make you feel guilty by any choice you make. Your soul searching and heart will give you direction when the time comes. BE Strong and soft at the same time.
Sending many hugs to you and your mom.
Penny
I'm thinking of you and your family, my friend. Gentle hugs to you. xxx
Having had Hospice with my mother was a godsend...they managed her pain and care. They supported her quality of life until the end. Mother was able to stay at home. They had nurses 2x a week, doctors come to the home on 2 occassions, social workers visited monthly and handled any problems, billing, insurance billing, etc., aides helped with bathing, lite housekeeping and even gave her manicures if she wanted them. Spiritual clergy came in and prayed with mom. All of these services included me, my sister and my dad...they supported the whole family. In the end, when she passed they took care of so many details. They remained with the family until the funeral home came and took mom. I cannot say enough about their services.
I am so sorry that your mother is in pain, but want you to know that I know how hard these decisions are...I was the one that had to make many of them for both Mom and Dad. Died died in Sept 17, 2014 and mother died October 18th 2014--29 days apart. I look at their 60+ years of marriage and know that they lived for each other.
You are to be applauded for the strength that it takes to make these decisions, and rest assured you are doing this from the deepest love and respect from a daughter's heart.
(((((HUGS))))) AnnM
I would send hugs but don' know how