Hospitals
When Carlos was in the hospital, I met a very nice lady who came by and prayed with me for Carlos recovery. She would call me frequently and ask how he was doing and would also stop by often. On the funeral day she came along with her boyfriend and sang several songs during the services and at the gravesite. It was so nice of her but since then I have stayed away. I have been staying away from a lot of my friends. She belongs to another church and has invited me to attend which I did once prior to Carlos passing away. I think that one of the reasons that I have not been in touch is that I lost some of my faith and I don't want to change religion at this time. Well it now happens that her dad is very sick in the hospital and her daughter is having a hysterectomy due to a tumor they found in her uterus (test are being done to see if it is benign or malignant). She also has a spiritual daughter that went to the hospital due to stomach problems, doctors took an ultrasound and noticed that she had gall bladder and a large mass and a swollen liver and spleen. They preformed the surgery but noticed that her abdomen was consumed by tumors so they took a biopsy and found out that it is cancerous. The cancer is spreading so quickly that doctors only gave her couple of months. She is only 21 years old. I am confused as to what to do. I will call her but I cannot go to visit her dad or daughters because they are in the same hospital that Carlos was and I have not driven by or stop by that hospital since Carlos passed away. I get anxiety attacks just by thinking about it. My mom was taken to that hospital about 2 months after Carlos died and I did not visit her and told her that I could be go. I also had another friend that was there and I could not go. I don't know how to handle this situation. Should I make an effort and stop by the hospital? I am afraid I will have a breakdown. Need some advice on this.
Replies
Oh Linda - that\'s so hard. I am a social worker and David died at the hospital where a lot of my clients go. The first time I went there, I threw up. The second time I looked for the nurse who was so wonderful to me as David was dying. I couldn\'t find her. The third time, i had someone else go in my place - that was just last month. i couldn\'t do it. i know how awful it feels. Can you do something else for her besides go to the hospital? Cook her some meals? Clean her house? Get her mail? Send flowers?
Only you know if you can handle it. I managed the first two times but couldn\'t do it the third time. I feel a little guilt for that but I also know I need to take care of myself. Maybe you can lovingly explain in a note and then offer other kinds of help or support.
Maybe you can just stop by her home. It\'s very hard but you have to do what you feel and if a panic attack might come on, it does no one any good. best of luck in your decision. hugs, Kip.
Linda, you have to do what is right for you at this time. There are many other ways you can be there for her. Food, flowers, card, visit her at her home, ask her if you can run errands for her. TALK, TALK to her and let her talk to you. You are remembering how kind she was to you - be kind to her now, I know how hard it can be, hope you can find the answer that is right for you. Peace Hawg
when Gerry was sick and dying everyone told me if u need anything call or stop by i needed so many things but would not call or stop by i think if u call and stop by their house just to say hi and maybe bring sandwich things that would help going to the hospital isnt somwthing u can do right now but other things will be appreciated there is people at the hospital but no one when u have to go home
In this case it may be a risk worth taking. At least you can say that you did make an attempt than to look back and find yourself in the wish I could have, should have and/or would have situation.
Follow your heart and if you get ill just blame me :)
Just tell her the truth..Maybe have her stop your house and hold her while she crys..I would like a friend like that!!
I\'m sorry you are feeling so bad, I pray you will do better. It sounds like you have a good friend, I am sure she would understand your feelings about going to the hospital.
Hugs\'
Ron
I am so sorry you are having this problem. I feel the same way about the hospital where DH suffered for so many weeks. I can hardly even drive past it. Perhaps you could phone your friend and express how you feel. She seems to be a kind and compassionate person and is probably capable of great understanding. So she will most likely understand how you feel.
Only you can make that call, Linda. Rest assured which ever you choose will be the right one for you. There are many ways to show your support. A friend of mine was hospitalized not too long ago. He was in the room directly across the hall from the room that Jeanne was in before I brought her home. I had a hard time visiting him but I did stop by. Take care. Joe
Just do something, extend your hand in friendship anyway you can. We help ourselves when we help others. It takes us outside ourselves. This dear woman sounds like she has done a lot of giving and is now in need of support.
I know how hard it would be for you to go to the hospital. I would telephone your friend and speak with her, let her know you are thinking of her and explain just how you feel about being in the same hospital where your husband was. You could visit with her in her home or by phone. I\'m sure a card or flowers would be appreciated. If you decide to go to the hospital, maybe you could get one of your friends to go with you.
I have trouble even going to the cancer center where he spent so many hours in treatment. I just see him everywhere. This is a really tough one. I think that you should let your friend know how you feel. She will probably be very understanding. She sounds like a very kind and caring person. Maybe take her out to lunch. When John was in the hospital and things were stressful, I loved it when a friend would whisk me away and take me out to lunch and just be there for me. I think I needed that more than anything. You can park outside and she can come out and meet you so you don`t have to go in. If that is to hard maybe she can just meet you at a restaurant.
Linda, you need to do what is best for you. Call her is you want or stop by her house, but there is no need to stop by the hospital. You can always send a get well card or thinking of you to her daughter. Flowers are always nice. If you are not ready to handle the hospital, don\'t force yourself. If you have an address for this woman, you can alway write her a letter. Take Care, Maria
She will understand and will appreciate knowing that you are thinking of her and praying for her. As you know, she will need you perhaps more later on than now, so keep in touch with her.
I know you will find a way.
Love
Margaret
Thank you all for your support. I will call her and try to see if we can meet outside of the hospital some where nearby but not to close. I don\'t drive by the hospital because of all the memories that it brings to mind. God bless you all. Linda