Horrible to Okay
Today I can change my status from horrible to okay, yet I don't know when I might go back to horrible again. I have my horrible moments of sheer anxiety, anger, frustration then I go back to good or okay. Right now it's an okay moment. I took a long weekend off from work and will return tommorrow. I am glad I did it. I can't wait for this school year to end. I can't focus on work, but I get through it because my little first graders are always so happy to see me. I sometimes feel stuck, but I am truly embracing what has happen to me. I cry, scream, and yell because I don't know where and how to pick up the pieces. Thankfully, I focus on praying, accepting, and healing. I am back to teaching my ZUMBA classes and that has help becuase I love doing it and practicing! My classes have grown and that excites me!! I am planning a road trip to Washington and I am looking forward to it! I am truly surrounded by people that care the world for me and I am feeling thankful. I allow myself to have moments of despair, but I don't want to let it consume a full day. This is how I cope. Things to be thankful for
*Doc said I have incompent cervix (really?? now my cervix won't act right??)
*However, he said that you CAN STILL carry a baby! ovaries, uterus, etc are good! that's something to be thankful for
*I have had someone offer to help pay for IVF!! If it works out, Although I don't know if I want to do it yet..
*My principal has giving me an opportunity to make at least 4,000 this summer working a summer program!
*My husband proved to be the best on the planet through all of this!!
**I am healthy, I've gained 15 pounds, but I can still wear my skinny jeans!!
*My bleeding from my birth has STOPPED YEAH!!
*Most of my days, God has given me peace
THanks for checking on me friends, please continue to encourage and pray for me!
*Doc said I have incompent cervix (really?? now my cervix won't act right??)
*However, he said that you CAN STILL carry a baby! ovaries, uterus, etc are good! that's something to be thankful for
*I have had someone offer to help pay for IVF!! If it works out, Although I don't know if I want to do it yet..
*My principal has giving me an opportunity to make at least 4,000 this summer working a summer program!
*My husband proved to be the best on the planet through all of this!!
**I am healthy, I've gained 15 pounds, but I can still wear my skinny jeans!!
*My bleeding from my birth has STOPPED YEAH!!
*Most of my days, God has given me peace
THanks for checking on me friends, please continue to encourage and pray for me!
Replies
Doctors can be so mean sometimes...I had one tell me my cervix was \"gaping\"....in the middle of a hysto exam...I almost kicked him....but I am glad that you are good...for today at least....it comes and goes....hang in there honey....we all love you!!!
I am thinking of you, my friend. Let me know when you are in Washington!
Thinking of you and praying for you daily
I\'m glad today is an ok day for you. Try to enjoy the good days and know that you are loved and cared about. When the bad days come, know you\'re not alone and we\'re here for you. hang in there!!
You are in my prayers! I am so sorry for all you have been through! Doctors really need to learn how to WORD things in a better way for people!
Whoever said grief happens in stages never experienced the profound grief of childloss. It is an unpredictable cycle of ups and downs, okay one minute and a puddle on the flooor the next. All of this sometimes in the same hour. Be gentle with yourself. I\'m glad you are starting to do some of the things you enjoy. Making lists of things for which I\'m grateful is incredibly helpful to me too. Hugs, Corrine
All you can do is get out of bead each day and breathe. You are doing great and working through the grieving process. It\'s only natural to have good and bad days. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. XO :)
One good day at a time sweetie and today is one of those so just embrace it! :) Still praying for you.
I\'m not fond of the medical profession these days. They don\'t seem to have a good bedside mannor at all. Grief is hard... Thinking of the future is harder... But, we must move forward in life with our Angels in our hearts.
I\'m glad that today was a good one.
Hugs!!!
Nneka
I\'m happy your doing better, I\'ll keep you in my prayers.
You have been on my mind. Take it one day at a time my friend. Big hugs!
I\'m glad to hear that the bleeding has stopped finally. This means that your hormones have finished falling, and they will start to go back up again eventually, and that will make you feel a little better.
You are doing the best you can, and far better than most would be in your situation. I think it\'s great that you have the Zumba class to keep you occupied -- that\'s a great outlet.
In time, you\'ll decide when the time is right to try IVF again, and it\'s wonderful that you have some options for financing it and a doctor who can work around the cervix problem to prevent preterm labor. But don\'t let anyone rush you into trying again -- only you will know when the time is right. One day you\'ll wake up and the drive to have a baby will override the fear, and you\'ll know you will be ready. Till then, just continue the healing.
I\'m glad you changed your status and are feeling somewhat better. I\'m sure it will forever stay in your heart...but know that you are loved and God has a plan for you!!!!