Well its been a while since i wrote and sadly i have great news and tragic news.....i really need someone to talk 2 right now.....I have experienced mutiple miscarriages before the birth of my son....those miscarriages were very hard to get thru, but eventually i learned to cope......then i learned i have a luetal phase defect and it was the cause of my early miscarriages.....so i was started on progestrone pills when i got pregnant this past  april and it lead 2 me having a succesfull full-term pregnancy with a beautiful baby boy. So here is the tragic part......Monday night 1-24-11 my water broke and i went into labor, i was so excited and a lil bit nervous all at the same time......but none the less happy i was about to meet my son, so tuesday rolled around and i was till in labor, the doctor decided i was gonna dilate to 10cm so i had to get a c-section after being stuck at 5cm for only 3hrs.....i was extremely nervous but very optimistic that everything would go jus fine.....BUT IT DIDNT ALL  HELL BROKE LOOSE....I ALMOST DIED!!!! after the routine c-secton, my uterus would not contract and i started 2 bleed out.....i was wide awake hearing the doctors and nurses calling 4 blood and plasma and then i remember praying and telling myself you have to live 4 your son stay alive.....just live.....and then.....i woke up in ICU.....couldnt talk...breathing tube down my throat, line in my neck......FOUR iv's in my arms....i kept trying to open my eyes and i couldnt....but i could hear people talking....thats when my life changed 4 ever..... i heard the doctor say we had to give her a hysterectomy.....i kept repeating it in my mind.....constantly trying to move a leg and arm trying let my family know i could hear them and i was trying to fight for my life.....but i couldnt move....i was crying inside....im only 25yrs old and now i can never carry anotha child....but i look at my son and know that he is a true blesing from god but im still and emotional reck! people keep telling me oh you will be ok, but i still have my whole life ahaead of me and now i can never give my fiance another baby.....its so much on my mind i just need someone to talk to.......someone to listen to me....im hurting so bad inside right now......HELP!!!!