Hormones are raging today

 
Im so sad. THE TOWN WERE I AM FROM LOST A HERO A FEW DAYS AGO. HE WAS 28 YEARS OLD and had cancer. He has been fighting it for months and had a stroke and dies Monday. He is married with 2 small children. Its so sad and every time i think about it I get choked up. Ian has been really sweet today. He will only sit in my lap. He wants me to hold him and has been doing this new thing where he pushes me around the house. Leek im a push toy. He laughs the whole time. SO cute. I already miss this stage. He has never been a snuggler but today he was. I started getting all sad thinking about how in a few months he wont be able to sit on my lap and cuddle like this then the new baby will be here and he wont be able to and will be to big to want to. I keep feeling so guilty. I mean James is gone all the time and Im having another one that will take the one parent that Ians does have attentions away from him. What was I thinking. How did I not think of these things ahead of time. Dh wanted to go on a date Saturday night since we have not had one in a while. But he only has 1 day of in 9 and he has been coming home late when he even comes home so I said I rather do a family activity. Ian loves and misses his daddy so much. I think we are going to do a pool day then nap then a jump house and dinner. A family day. As much as I would love a night out its not about me its about Ian. I have been praying so hard we get a transfer soon. They really need to open it up. Its supose to be 2 times a year and they have not opened up any this year.
   The house we rent has been getting some notices stuck on the door. None of the other houses have gotten these. It leads me to believe that the house is in financial trouble. I plan on calling the property manager and asking about whats going on. I dont want to move again and we can afford another 1k in moving expenses. I am pregnant DH is gone all the time Im afraid of a 3 day notice or something. We pay on time every month but we dont rent.
 On a side note. The house payment on the house we own in Ga just dropped from $1270 to $1150. a month. We charge $1150. Last year it sky rocketed because the property taxes got raised. I have no idea how because all our values fell. But oh well. So we were in the rears I guess and had to pay that now they dropped again and so we dont have to pay the difference anymore.  Today and yesterday have not been to bad with the tiredness. SO maybe just maybe its starting to go away. Im 11 weeks today!!!! Wow. I listened to the babies heart beat last night because I had such a rough day Wednesday at the zoo. I have not been taking it easy at all, but Its impossible. I have faith that God will protect this baby. I cant not carry Ian, not go places ect ect. Life goes on. Well Hope you all have a fantastic weekend.