Hoping to get Counseling
Hurt, loneliness, anger... these feelings have been slowly building up inside since he came back at the end of June.
We got into a big argument last night when he came home. Mostly about hsi ex room mate, a lady named Julie. My husband is 41 and she's in her 50s. They were room mates 3 yrs ago up until we got married. I didn't mean to start yelling, originally planned to just talk. But the more he defended her and the more he talked, the angrier I got.
Basically, every time we go and hang out with her (and this goes back to when we were dating), she feels the need to lecture me about what my husband's needs are! How dare she!!! That's not the only thing she does. She is very territorial of him and even if I make a joke about him she immediately jumps to defend him and makes snide remarks to me! I thought it would stop when we got married 3 yrs ago, but she continues disrespecting our marriage! The worst part is, the HURTFUL thing is, my husband ALWAYS defends HER!!!
For instance, she invited us to stay with them down in Waikiki at a hotel suite for the July 4th weekend. Shortly after we got there, she was already on the attack on me over some side comments I made about the hot weather and suggesting hubby to be careful how much he drinks. Made a joke that he drinks a lot on those Maitai cruises. She suddenly jumped down my throat defended him with her finger in the air pointed at me, claimed she knows how I am that I tend to exaggerate everything. And "..oh your poor drunkard of a husband! He's nothing but a drunk, huh?!" And then my husband teamed up with her and ganged up against me!!! Even after the weekend was over and we came home, he was still arguing with me and told me I needed to admit I was lying about how much he drinks. When I asked him how much he drank that day, it turned out he drank A LOT!! Even told me he had to lay down because he was sick from the alcohol and sun combo! HELLO!!!
Anyway, we went to hang out with her friend again on Sun and while we were jsut having a normal conversation about hubby just took a water safety class for surfers and divers... again it started, she asked me in a condescending voice, "Well you worry about him (when he goes surfing), huh?" started lecturing me about what my husband's needs are!!
I explained this to my husband's attention that she has NO RIGHT to talk to me about what MY HUSBAND'S needs are! it's not her place!! He is totally blind to her. He said I simply don't like her and that's the problem. Told me he won't tell her off because he agrees with some of the things she says! And worst of all, said that I'm trying to drive a wedge between them!!! WTH!!
I told him that WE are husband and wife! She is not married to you and never was! She is not your mother either!!
Other things we argued about is the same ole same ole... that he just goes off and does whatever activities, like surfing, etc, and doesn't talk to me or ask if I feel like doing anything together. He's always on his own program and doesn't care what I think or how I feel. When he comes home doesn't bother to pay much attention to me. If I try and get him to do anything with me he comes up with all kinds of excuses, he doesn't feel like this doesn't feel like that, has other things to do, etc. etc. But when his friend Julie asked him the other day if he'd come up and work on cleaning up their garden for her, she said, SURE!!
I told him we need counseling. At 1st he agreed, but after arguing with me, said he didn't want to anymore. In fact sat down next to me on the couch and told me he's tired of my bullsh*t and maybe we should think about taking a break!!! I told him I've been begging to spend more time with you and you want a break?!? WTH. And you think we don't need counseling?!?
Please pray for us! Please!
Hope you have a blessed weekend!
We got into a big argument last night when he came home. Mostly about hsi ex room mate, a lady named Julie. My husband is 41 and she's in her 50s. They were room mates 3 yrs ago up until we got married. I didn't mean to start yelling, originally planned to just talk. But the more he defended her and the more he talked, the angrier I got.
Basically, every time we go and hang out with her (and this goes back to when we were dating), she feels the need to lecture me about what my husband's needs are! How dare she!!! That's not the only thing she does. She is very territorial of him and even if I make a joke about him she immediately jumps to defend him and makes snide remarks to me! I thought it would stop when we got married 3 yrs ago, but she continues disrespecting our marriage! The worst part is, the HURTFUL thing is, my husband ALWAYS defends HER!!!
For instance, she invited us to stay with them down in Waikiki at a hotel suite for the July 4th weekend. Shortly after we got there, she was already on the attack on me over some side comments I made about the hot weather and suggesting hubby to be careful how much he drinks. Made a joke that he drinks a lot on those Maitai cruises. She suddenly jumped down my throat defended him with her finger in the air pointed at me, claimed she knows how I am that I tend to exaggerate everything. And "..oh your poor drunkard of a husband! He's nothing but a drunk, huh?!" And then my husband teamed up with her and ganged up against me!!! Even after the weekend was over and we came home, he was still arguing with me and told me I needed to admit I was lying about how much he drinks. When I asked him how much he drank that day, it turned out he drank A LOT!! Even told me he had to lay down because he was sick from the alcohol and sun combo! HELLO!!!
Anyway, we went to hang out with her friend again on Sun and while we were jsut having a normal conversation about hubby just took a water safety class for surfers and divers... again it started, she asked me in a condescending voice, "Well you worry about him (when he goes surfing), huh?" started lecturing me about what my husband's needs are!!
I explained this to my husband's attention that she has NO RIGHT to talk to me about what MY HUSBAND'S needs are! it's not her place!! He is totally blind to her. He said I simply don't like her and that's the problem. Told me he won't tell her off because he agrees with some of the things she says! And worst of all, said that I'm trying to drive a wedge between them!!! WTH!!
I told him that WE are husband and wife! She is not married to you and never was! She is not your mother either!!
Other things we argued about is the same ole same ole... that he just goes off and does whatever activities, like surfing, etc, and doesn't talk to me or ask if I feel like doing anything together. He's always on his own program and doesn't care what I think or how I feel. When he comes home doesn't bother to pay much attention to me. If I try and get him to do anything with me he comes up with all kinds of excuses, he doesn't feel like this doesn't feel like that, has other things to do, etc. etc. But when his friend Julie asked him the other day if he'd come up and work on cleaning up their garden for her, she said, SURE!!
I told him we need counseling. At 1st he agreed, but after arguing with me, said he didn't want to anymore. In fact sat down next to me on the couch and told me he's tired of my bullsh*t and maybe we should think about taking a break!!! I told him I've been begging to spend more time with you and you want a break?!? WTH. And you think we don't need counseling?!?
Please pray for us! Please!
Hope you have a blessed weekend!
Replies
PS. forgot to mention... somewhere in the argument when we were talking about how he just goes off to do a bunch of fun things with out talking to me to see if I feellike doing anything with him, he said, \"Well I\'m physically active and you\'re not (referring to my chronic pain). So what else can I do about it.\" As if that\'s justification to go off on your own program to pursue all the things you enjoy with out a care as to enjoying any time with your wife!!!!
Update: Hubby took me out to dinner that night and then to get frozen yogurt. I was pretty excited since we haven\'t eaten out in a long time (mostly due to the budget). We talked about it again and asked him to put him self in my shoes and gave him a pretend scenario, he finally started coming around a little.
He\'s been a lot easier to get along with since and has actually made a lot of effort to spend time with me. He took me to a waterfall yesterday (Sun). It was quite an adventure! I came home pretty sore and exhausted but I had so much fun! I love it when we do things together like that!
Also, the pastor spoke to us at church and hubby agreed to counseling. Our 1st session will be on on Monday.