Hopeless

I am tired of fighting everyday with myself. I can fight to the death with someone else about just about anything. But these demons in my head are gaining power somehow. I use to be able to tell my husband everything, even when I get this low. But for some reason, last night I froze. I couldn't bear to tell him that I wanted to kill myself last night. I think about suicide everyday now. I know that I should just be patient and let this new medicine get into my system and help me win this battle. But it's just so damn hard. It's all I think about anymore. What am I going to do if I no longer have my one support person to talk to anymore. I'm scared! I'm not scared of dying, but of living! It all just seems so hopeless. I'm just one person.....what can I do. I am no good to society. I'm a danger to myself and potentially others. What if one day my homicidal tendancies kick in and I actually kill someone!!! My brain tells me that it will be so satisfying, but my heart aches at the thought of doing harm to someone. Please help!