Hoorah and Yahoo
I just heard from my Dr. The biopsy was negative. I got NO explanation of what has caused the problem but was told to let it heal on its own and just watch it. That's what I have been doing and the swelling seems to be increasing again. However I suppose I should not worry. No cancer is a wonderful thing. Merry Christmas
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I\'m not sure anymore where I belong. Today I replied to a person on DS that is suffering very closely the same as me. I ended up pouring my heart out to her. Am I better because of it? Is she? I cried and cried while typing a note to her. Was it another healing stage? I just don\'t know. I am now so exhausted I can barely function. How can I start feeling so much better and then a several steps backward. I care about everyone on DS. People are here because they hurt in some way. I feel so bad for everyone. Life is just too touch to cope with anything.
Today I was dealt another blow. I was lied to by my daughterinlaw. Apparently she forgot the things she told me and when I mentioned it to her she was speachless, uncomfortable and just did not know what to say next. I\'m sad but guarded now where she is concerned.
Once again I do not know where I belong. I have many troublesom issues, most of them take their turns with crumbling me though.
1. The cancer problem with me seems to be under control. My finger finally is healing. The crater left from this last surgery/biopsy seems to be closing on its own. The area no longer looks inflamed and it does not hurt. My face has healed and I\'m good to go. With luck I won\'t have more issues for a long long time, hopefully never.
2. My emotions concerning the loss of my sister have settled a little however once in a while I am having a meltdown. To all those that have lost a loved one ..... Time helps. I know first hand from experience. The pain felt from grieving is just as bad, maybe worse, than any type of pain. Time does help.
3. No on to the most current problem. Drug addiction. I\'ll start with my son. He has been hospitalized twice in the last month. The outcome Colitis, Gastroenterits. I had feared far worse. These problems apparently are manable. The cause - unknown however we do know that substance abuse can be part of it. He had been on Oxicontin for 5 years and then want\'ed to change his life stype and got into a detox program using Suboxone. That was helping but the cost was more than he could handle and he quit before he should have. He weaned himself down but far quieter than his Dr. wanted. Stress has also taken a toll on him to an extreeme because of lack of work and his wife, my DNL is out of control with her drug abuse. My son is doing pretty good. Emotionally though he is a mess and has become quite withdrawn.
2. The DNL -
Yes, we experienced another overdose with her. We took the stance of TOUGH LOVE with her a while back and she knew one more time and we would do what ever it took to get her out of our home and into mandatory treatment. The one more time did arrive. Police and Paramedics were called. She was transported to the hospital and a Baker Act placed on her mandating a 72 hr. hospital stay. They actually kept her about anothe 12 hrs. From there she has been taken to a duo diagnosis hospital treating phyciatric problem and substance abuse. She will be there at least a month. I hope much much more. I truely believe the phyciatric treament will take much longer. Some of the Dr.s, councels, and her family members feel she is beyond the possibility of straightening up her life. There are deep rooted emotional problems from early childhood and a long long history of substance abuse. I have not given up hope though and if my son wants to continue his marriage I will help as much as I can to support that desire. He has mentioned that he is not sure if he wants to continue. She\'s drained him to an extreme. However he will also talk of how wonderful she is when not on the drugs. And the drug problem is out of control. She nearly killed herself this last time. The ER Dr said the only reason she lived through it was that my husband and I walked in and found her and got treatment quickly. She said otherwise with all that she took she would have surely died.
And for my husband and myself... We are resting a little better but are extremely worried about what will happen next. With her not in our home there is not the constant worry of what she is doing. Knowing she is getting treatment is encouraging. We now can focus on our own personal issues that are troubling us and perhaps get our lives somewhat back to normal.
I haven\'t been posting much lately. Lifes problem have had me upside down. I have tried to read posts of my DS friends and others and the sadness I read about has put me even deeper into depression. I seem to take on the world. I care so much and hurt when I know others are suffering so much. No that things have settled a little with me I hope that I can post more and other suport and help to others. There have been times that my DS friends have come through for me when I have been at my lowest. I want to support to others when in need. Thank you to all my friends for the nice hugs, notes, personal notes, etc. etc. I sure hoope my next updates will be more encouraging.
Our paths r similar, to similar. Sorry about your Sister & DNL. Best of luck to your son. Caring for everyone on DS is commendable, but hardly feasible. Well, a woman like yourself is willing to take on the weight of the World. w/ cancer too? You must be an awesome Mom & a wonderful human being. U mentioned that time heals wounds, I still hurt. I\'ve been so sad for so long, its still hard to visit her suffering memories. HIV & Cancer has taken my Life from me. Winters are the worst w/ Depression .