Homework update
So we go back to mc tonight, I had homework. So far I think Im getting a failing grade :( there's that word again, oh well.
Didn't do a damn thing for anniversary, granted it was a monday night, the kids had activities etc, but truly, I didn't want to do a damn thing. Ordered pizza drank some beer went to bed. I know H was disappointed in me, but hey, he coulda planned something. I did tell him maybe we could do something to celebrate this weekend.
So far on the rest of the homework: I have been writing in my notebook just some random memories from childhood that made me feel those negative thoughts, failure, unloved, unnoticed, shame, fear, powerless. Lotta stuff there, unfortunately.
I am having a hard time with the visualization part of this assignment. I can't stay focused. I am having a hard time "reaching" that little girl.
I did hear the Pink song F***in Perfect yesterday I had forgotten it. It fits this here and now, will be my theme song for this assignment while I unpack those bags :) I even wrote the lyrics down in my notebook. Mc did say to make disposing of them a party, so rockin out, lol
I still am generally just feeling 'in a bad place'. Can't seem to shake it. Hormones stills screwy too:(
Don't even want to go to mc tonight truthfully don't want to do anything. Anything.
Didn't do a damn thing for anniversary, granted it was a monday night, the kids had activities etc, but truly, I didn't want to do a damn thing. Ordered pizza drank some beer went to bed. I know H was disappointed in me, but hey, he coulda planned something. I did tell him maybe we could do something to celebrate this weekend.
So far on the rest of the homework: I have been writing in my notebook just some random memories from childhood that made me feel those negative thoughts, failure, unloved, unnoticed, shame, fear, powerless. Lotta stuff there, unfortunately.
I am having a hard time with the visualization part of this assignment. I can't stay focused. I am having a hard time "reaching" that little girl.
I did hear the Pink song F***in Perfect yesterday I had forgotten it. It fits this here and now, will be my theme song for this assignment while I unpack those bags :) I even wrote the lyrics down in my notebook. Mc did say to make disposing of them a party, so rockin out, lol
I still am generally just feeling 'in a bad place'. Can't seem to shake it. Hormones stills screwy too:(
Don't even want to go to mc tonight truthfully don't want to do anything. Anything.
Replies
Why did the whole burden of planning the anniversary stuff fall on you anyway? Don\'t you two share the same anniversary? By the way, when stuff falls during the week, like anniversaries or birthdays, etc, we usually wait until the weekend to do anything. The weekdays are just too busy. So, consider that a do over, but if not, it\'s still no big deal and it is NOT your sole responsibility.
You are NOT being graded on this process. There is no failing. There is no excelling. It is just a process and however long it takes you is FINE. The first thing you need to throw out is all the judgement you place upon yourself. Sending you hugs and support.
Znz\'s right. Don\'t think in terms of fail/pass here. This is a process you go through at the pace you can handle. Right now isn\'t the greatest of times for you. The therapist will (or should) understand.
Yes, your H should have been more proactive. But he also probably isn\'t sure what he should do, or even suggest to do, not being sure how you are feeling about it all. What you want to do. Sounds like you needed to talk. But at any rate, there is the weekend like Znz suggested. We too tend to do our \"outing\" which the last few years has been going to a bed and breakfast over the weekend closest to our anniversary. We might celebrate the anniversary by going out to eat that evening or something.
Our first real post-dday anniversary is still to come, though the last one was literally our first, three days after dday. But the shock was all to new and we used it mostly to talk through things though we celebrated anyway. Mostly by eating, watching a movie, and going to walks.
So I\'m not sure how our next anniversary will be, though my intent is to make it as much of a celebration time that we made it one year, though I\'m sure it will be triggery in other ways. Hard to avoid that. The affair for me will always be tied to our anniversary now. Not much getting around that, though I expect it will lessen over time.