Home from Long Island

I am home from Long Island without my parents ashes.  My brother was not ready to deal with this yet.  I offered that he and I just take a walk to the beach and release them. I thought that would be easy for him and for me too.  We see the water from his house and their beach is private.  He had all sorts of excuses and his own rituals that he wants to do.  So let it be.  Maybe next time. I  I do understand.  We pulled all the old pictures out of the shed.  Five bins of our parents memories.  I reminded him about  ~ "Remembering They are not our Memories,  but our Parents Memories" ~ he did not get it, also ok.  I did get him to throw out pictures of anyone we did not know.  He had a hard time ripping  them up.  I told him the story about the  elderly lady that lived next door to me.  When she died, the new homeowners had to clean out her house.  She had no family.  All her pictures   still in frames were by the curb.  Not in trash bags or destroyed.  Just laying there like discarded garbage.  So sad.  I vowed that I would never hord  after that day.  My parents had the opportunity of cleaning out their homes themselves.  It is  not nice  to leave a job like that to a stranger.  We did a lot of laughing and reminiscing.  A few tears here and there.  It was emotional to say the least.I needed lots of pictures to give to my cousin  Patty who is throwing an 80th birthday  party for our Aunt Dot,  on the end of August.  I made her two new fresh albums, one of her and her family and one of our Aunt and all the sisters when they were little and grown. My Mom was one of seven girls.  "Talk About Issues"  LOL. My brother decided I needed a new television set.  He schlepped me to five different electronic stores, to do comparative shopping and to inspect the shades of black on the screens.  I thought I would have a breakdown, LOL.  Had to write down all the models I liked.  Finally, we went to WALMART, my favorite store.  We t have no WALMART in the New York City area.  I get a kick out of this store, can buy a tire and a quart of milk all under the same roof.  Luv it.  Anyway, I bought a 32" HD plasma TV, VIZIO brand.  Lars said this was a good brand, he read about it and it passed his inspections.  Ok, its quite nice and it cost $563 w/tax.  Right in my budget.  My brother gave me half the money as a gift for the TV set.  He also set it up for me.  Nice guy, right?  I am glad we vowed never to get into any fights over money or our parents belongings.  I gave his wife my Mother's diamond rings when Mom passed away.  They fit her perfectly and she never had anything like these honkers she says and really likes them too.  Relationships and good feelings are so much more important than  material stuff.  I learn a little more about that each  and every day.  For me, I try to let go and let God, its better this way.  I must say I had a nice time with my family.  Lots of memories, emotions and feelings.  I think that is all good. Luv,Ree  

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Thanks for your share. Dealing with family members\' possessions can be so difficult. My brother-in-law and niece still haven\'t started do this, even though my sister has visited them three times to help. Photos are the most difficult. I threw away pictures of people I don\'t know also. However, I have lots of albums from our family. My husband is a paper collector. He has been retired 5 plus years and still keeps \"stuff\" from his work. Oh well!
Your television sounds wonderful. Enjoy!
Your generosity to your brother\'s wife is witness to the kind of person you are. Money and possessions can make people crazy. I used to help a friend do estate sales and I think I saw the dark side of many people when it came to possessions. I second your comment, \"Relationships and good feelings are so much more important than material stuff.\"
Have a great day. Angela
deleted_user
deleted_user

Glad you got rid of the 1st part of the old photos. It\'s good to do it in stages. When Lars feels up to it you can make another big dent. Phil bought big albums when a store was going out of business maybe 20 of them. He filled 10 not organized at all. I\'ve got tons of albums and tons of boxed photos. Some future project. I understand how emotional it is. As for your parents, you\'ll get those ashes eventually, they ain\'t going anywhere.
deleted_user
deleted_user

So glad you had a good time with the family. Yes parents hoard, and even keep the old ratty stuff, God knows why? I guess your brother isn\'t ready to accept the finaliation of letting go of your folks. I think as women we tend to show our emotions more readily, enabling us to get over our grieving process quicker than males who pretty much keep it all inside. I am glad you didn\'t argue with him, instead just let things be. What a great guy to pay for half of your new tv! We have HD and it is amazing the difference in the picture, I think you will be pleased. Well I am glad you are back and had such a good time. Family itself can be very difficult to deal with, so you are lucky and blessed that your trip went so well! ((hugs))marcia
deleted_user
deleted_user

OOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXX
deleted_user
deleted_user

Your weekend with your brother sounded good.
I always like hearing about families that love and care about each other.Was so sad to hear about the lady who\'s pictures were in the trash bags.If it would have been me and i had bought the house I would have taken all the pictures and buried them a garden space and then planted a rose in rememberance of this woman and her solitatr life.She mattered .
Your TV sounds so cool.You are such a beautiful person reenee. =] x0
deleted_user
deleted_user

Always wished that I had a loving brother. Seems like it would be such a special bond. I am happy that you and Lars have such a great relationship. Giving those rings to your SIL was a very thoughtful thing to do. You made me start thinking about taking care of some personal things too. I am going to baby myself today. You will have to read my last journal to see why I soooo deserve it...
deleted_user
deleted_user

This was truly a mixture of many things, but find the dealing with your parents ashes was perhaps something that needed to be done and you did what you thought was right....
What a great brother to help you with the TV.....when mine konk out, will buy the more streamlined, but I am too cheap to toss this thing out .......lol!!......hope it last a lot longer, too.....
BIG hugs, dah-ling...:)
xoxoxo