holy sh*t

Last night I got so pissed. Pissed isn't even the word to describe it. It was pure, all consuming anger. Every single muscle in my body was tense, the acid churning in my stomach, obsessing over every single small detail that could piss me off more. I didn't even dare call anyone, since they would have just made me more angry (if that was even possible). I also started my period. I think anger has to do with period. It took 4mg of klonopin to just calm me down to the point where I could think about breathing, and another 2mg to get me calm enough to go to sleep. That's a shitload of klonopin. I didn't know what else to do. 
I'm suffering for it today. My body aches. I have knots all over my back and my legs feel like rubber. 
I'm pretty sure it's my borderline acting up. It was just pure and unadulterated anger. No murderous thoughts, no self-harm thoughts, nothing "evil", just pure anger. I haven't felt an emotion this pure in a long time. Fuck. It's day one of 7 of my period, and my birthday is in 2 days. I have to see my doctor to determine my disability on the 7th... so I have to last out of the hospital until then. *crosses fingers* Let's hope this goes okay.



that is alot of klonopin .but if thats what it takes then thats what it takes.. i hope you feel better today... good luck at the doctors and happy birthday in two days.. hugs ..marie