Holy hell, how did I end up back here again?
I'm so sick of this shit.
DDay was March 27, 2011. I'm going to remember that day as well as I will remember the day my father died, the day I got married, the day my children were born. It's etched.
I have been so damn supportive of him. The day after DDay he was hospitalized for suicidal risk. Since then, it's been a rollercoaster of medication and counseling to get him back to a stable spot.
I put myself, my healing, my anger, my emotional mess pretty much on the back burner, though I did finally agree to some antidpressants so I wouldn't cry constantly.
We started marriage counseling, but in retrospect he wasn't ready to work on us, because he still had a lot of work to do with himself. I get that. I got it on the 2nd anniversary of DDay when I asked him what he's learned about himself in the past 2 years. His answer: "I've learned that you and I have totally different ideas of what's acceptable behavior." I didn't make another marriage counseling appt. after that.
I've supported his career goals without pushing him.
I don't want to sound like a martyr here. I love this man. He's a wonderful grandpa to our grandchildren. He swears he loves me, and I believe he does. I love the life we've built.
Recently my antennae went up. Something not right. He's back to not sleeping, anxious, etc. Yada yada yada.....he's back to finding "friends" online. Just friends, friends he can talk with, friends that he can send pics of his dick to, friends that will send him pics of their "girl parts", etc. Just friends.
I understand he has an addiction. HE understands he has an addiction. He's working on it with his psychiatrist and his counselor. In the meantime, I ask for emails and passwords, because if he's going to have "friends", I need to know what the friendship consists of.
He complies. He agrees not to delete anything. Do I believe him? No. Do I think he gave me all the accounts/passwords? No.
Did I check the ones he gave me? Yes. Did I find out there was another affair way back when that he didn't tell me about? Yes. Is it killing me? Yes.
It's like I'm back at square one.
DDay was March 27, 2011. I'm going to remember that day as well as I will remember the day my father died, the day I got married, the day my children were born. It's etched.
I have been so damn supportive of him. The day after DDay he was hospitalized for suicidal risk. Since then, it's been a rollercoaster of medication and counseling to get him back to a stable spot.
I put myself, my healing, my anger, my emotional mess pretty much on the back burner, though I did finally agree to some antidpressants so I wouldn't cry constantly.
We started marriage counseling, but in retrospect he wasn't ready to work on us, because he still had a lot of work to do with himself. I get that. I got it on the 2nd anniversary of DDay when I asked him what he's learned about himself in the past 2 years. His answer: "I've learned that you and I have totally different ideas of what's acceptable behavior." I didn't make another marriage counseling appt. after that.
I've supported his career goals without pushing him.
I don't want to sound like a martyr here. I love this man. He's a wonderful grandpa to our grandchildren. He swears he loves me, and I believe he does. I love the life we've built.
Recently my antennae went up. Something not right. He's back to not sleeping, anxious, etc. Yada yada yada.....he's back to finding "friends" online. Just friends, friends he can talk with, friends that he can send pics of his dick to, friends that will send him pics of their "girl parts", etc. Just friends.
I understand he has an addiction. HE understands he has an addiction. He's working on it with his psychiatrist and his counselor. In the meantime, I ask for emails and passwords, because if he's going to have "friends", I need to know what the friendship consists of.
He complies. He agrees not to delete anything. Do I believe him? No. Do I think he gave me all the accounts/passwords? No.
Did I check the ones he gave me? Yes. Did I find out there was another affair way back when that he didn't tell me about? Yes. Is it killing me? Yes.
It's like I'm back at square one.
Replies
I am so sorry to hear this, it is one of my biggest fears in all of this \"rebuilding\" anyway you look at this \"infidelity thing\" the bs is ALWAYS the real losers, they take what they want, and give away what is not theirs to give away and expect us to \"accept\" it as \"normal\" because they \"love\" us....please tell me, is it even worth all of the agony of \"working\" on what was not our problem in the first place to save the \"love\" we thought we had...
My heart goes to you..... There is only one thing that truly and universally helps with addictions. 12 steps program. For over half the century now - this is the only thing that works. Also check out or rather have your husband read it, Patrick Carnes book \"out of the shadows\" and have him go to his rehab facility, intense workshop or something http://www.pinegrovetreatment.com/.
Take care. Sending you strength and wisdom to make right decisions. Hugs.