Holly Happy :)

Okay Im not going to be Debbie Downer anymore, or at least for awhile.  I had my tantrum and Im ready to try to get back to my positive self again. I guess my major problem is that I dont know what I want to do.  I know I must do something but I just can't make up my mind. 1. I want to be a stay at home mom. Issue:  Well if I could just have a baby like the rest of the world then I could do this financially. I fear that if we have to spend olotto $ then its just not going to be possible.  I respect working mothers, in fact all of my sisters work full-time and are the best mommies I know, however I just cant see myself working full time when Im a mother. Especially because I commute an hour to work. I know that being a parent is full of sacrifice. I feel that a working mother and a stay at home mother both make a sacrafice.  A working mother doesnt get to spend all her time with her child and I know thats hard, however they get to give more to there child for example help with college or a car and show that child an example of what hard work is.... that to me is a gift to the child and a sacrifice that the working mother makes... Okay then my veiw on the sacrafice of a stay at home mommy is that they dont get to have a "career" (although I believe mothering is a job in itself)  Staying at home means giving up the dreams of a big career at least for awhile. Learning to live on less $, having less things and not being able to help your child , as much financially.  That is a sacrifice to me, however it is also a gift to the child, who can care better for a child than the mother? So my problem is I dont know which sacrafice or gift is more important. I know I know youre thinking well she doesnt have kids so why is she worrying about it.  Mostly because I worry all the time and over think everything haha but really because it makes a difference in the choices I make now.  I could go back to school get my ba and be able to afford more things, more treatments, and be able to support my child more financially or I could chose to wait it out try to get preggo myself and stay at home and offer my child one on one time and I think that there is a lot of value in that.  Besides I can go back to school anytime, ( I know it isnt easy the longer you wait ) but uhhh so much to think about. I think if I keep trying naturally I ll go insane :)  If I do IVF and it doesnt work Ill be broke and insane, or I could adopt and be broke and maybe a little insane because of never being pregnant. Okay so thats my thoughts for today. I love you all and thanks for your support during my low!