Holidays inching closer
I really wish tv would show more disgruntled toxic holiday commercials. There cant always be puppys under the tree, smiles at the dinnertable etc. Im waiting for the question from roomie about Thanksgiving dinner. One of two things will happen...one, he'll go and spend the holidays with his friend as we did last year, or two he'll offer to buy if I go where i feel i will have to decline. Im trying to figure my way thru this mess as best as possible. I had a friend invite me to a resturant where i would like to go. I heard something on the on the radio today saying, if you want different energy you have to completely block out the neg past energy...but...what do you do when that person lives with you? Since i have had the talk with him, he has made no effort to keep me with him. This is good but i fear me being here makes it harder. I think it just confuses him more. Nothings changed, maybe im feeling i did the right thing. He has tried to have sex with me once over the last few months but other than that nothing.
Im seeing a shrink tommorow and hope she can help me work thru all these feelings. I just want so much for next year to be better. I want to be talking to my estranged daughter and have a roof over me and Sammycats head. I dont want to lose my cat as i lost Booboo kitty 3 yrs ago to my ex. But things arent happening fast enough. I need a miracle and a hero.
Replies
ahhh yes, the Holidays can make things difficult especially when it comes to relationship issues.
If he tried to make love to you, is it a good thing or did it make you feel that it would make it more difficult to leave him? This is just a suggestion Since he has a friend he can spend the holidays with..., that will free you up to go with your friend. You just need to tell him that...Don't be afraid!
I think most men are afraid to anger their women friends so we don't usually speak first...That's just an observation.
Happy Holidays Sage! May you get the miracle you are looking for!
To my mind, one of the earmarks of dysfunctional pop psychology is the use of absolutes. Have to. . . All. . . Always. . . Never. . . In this case, ". . .you have to completely block out . . ." Good luck with that. I am not sure even God (by whatever name) has that much control over the world. Free will and all that rot. . .
When I accept the negative charges at face value, I can then decide what to do with them instead of sliding into the La La Land of denial. I don't need to throw people to the Toxic People Landfill for the crime of having qualities I don't understand. I can compassionately leave others to sort their own imperfections while I go placidly amid the noise and the haste. Live and let live.
Be your own hero, Sage. It gives you a much better chance of getting a miracle that feels as miraculous in the second year as it felt on the first romantic promise.
I agree... sometimes you gotta be your own hero, get a plan in place, be proactive, etc. Not clear on what your exact situation is exactly with your roommate but it sounds like you were together for a while and now you are not. If that’s the case, I can see that not being an easy situation especially if you don’t have the resources to move out.
Try to stay present, do what you can now, get a plan in place for what you want to happen, etc. Sometimes you just gotta chip away at things one problem at a time. It feels slow but doing that makes it all feel less daunting.
Also the holidays just have a way of heightening everything. I swear most people I know just seem to be white-knuckling it until it’s all over.
Hope your visit with your dr gave you some clarity.
Well, he has erectile dysfunction and instead of seeing a doctor and fixing the problem, we go weeks and months without sex until 1 day he decides he's in the mood or that things are working for 5 minutes. I don't think this is fair and I get angry when he says he does not have a choice in the matter. Then I get more angry because of the guilt I feel. Ive had a couple of talks with him over the course of the relationship about spending time together and talking. But, we don't talk and we don't do special things together. Whereas once I was happy about building a life with him-at our last conversation he stated he would be content just with the ways things are. For me, thats not enough. I'm 47 yo and not dead, but, if I died tomorrow I would've wanted to live my life to the fullest which I don't seem to be doing with him. Yes---Ive always been my own hero-but alas the cape is wearing out. Am I justified or just a selfish you know what?
Well. . . This beaten crazy bitch wolf gets thoroughly insulted by what gets called, "A Bitch," so if that is the ***selfish you know what***. don't be saying that like it's a bad thing. I loves my female dogs. I likes 'em so much that I have hired several as tutors.
Step up to the lectern, my furry witch
Teach me to be a REAL bitch
A REAL bitch won't do half of what dysfunctional humans of either gender will do.
And you don't need justification to do what is right for you any more than you need a super cape to be your own hero. The roomie's issues remain his to sort.
Arfie...your right...it is his to sort...and mine are mine to sort.. It makes it a little easier to look at it that way.
The little blue pill works for 98% of all men. I had the same problem due to medication I had been taking for high blood pressure but not anymore. I will never forget the first time I took one. I felt like 18 again!
He is afraid of telling his doctor his problem. I get that. I was too, but my wife was more demanding then you so with the motivation and support she provided, it became easier to overcome my fears.
It's no big deal in todays world. I was in and out in less then 5 minutes with free samples.
I seriously doubt I could have survived 39 years with the same imperfect human without that detachment principle of, "Live and Let Live." On the support angle, I get allot more healing mileage out of votes of confidence that I can work out my own problems than I get from spousely attempts to *fix* me. Nothing erodes my confidence more than the love of my life declaring I need to be fixed in order to be lovable.
Granted that roomie isn't the love of your life, but the principle translates to less permanent relationships, as well.
I think that's why I might have distanced myself from him. I don't want to depend on him or anyone else to fix me. Ive gotten more confidence out of working things out myself.