Holidays are over

Tried to make the best of my holidays despite many obstacles. I was forced to choose between christmas with my close family out of town or stay home to be with my children and my ex. Just days before christmas I happen to stumble upon explicit pornographic material sent and received on my Ex's phone. A phone which was literally dropped on my lap with my son playing games on it. Had the idea creep into my head that I should give my ex one last chance to repent. Confess all sins and start the new year with a new open transparent trustworthy relationship only to be met with anger. Once upon a time I verbally declared that I care no more about her secrets. I declared that my detective shoes were put away and therefore I am a liar who went snooping on her cell phone. Only in my f***ed up world can me and my son be exposed to pictures of another man's penis and she can be MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!?! I think my next tattoo will be the Myan calendar because in 2012 my world ended. I f***ing hate this world. I want to move out as soon as humanly possible and begin my new life. I pray to God, Buddha, Mohammed or ANYBODY that will listen that she does not keep my children hostage. I will remain fair. I will offer my support. I will share financially. I just was the chance to start over with my life. I'm forever bound to this woman that I share children with, but some portion of my life needs to be my own. I need to offer my children a different way of life. I need to become a better role model. This process is going to be incredibly painful if we can not co-operate. May god have mercy on my children.