Holidays and New Year
I'm not sure if this entry will be inspiring, depressed, educational, venting or what.....Don't really know how I feel lately. I wonder if it's the meds, or that being bipolar for the last few years has hardened my shell. I don't know how I feel about being at Statistics or halfway through my holidays without many friends on hand, nothing much going on, and nothing much to look forward to.
And yet I don't feel too grim . Thank goodness. I do in the morning, but I'm so used to that now, it's no big deal. And I do pick up through the day.
I am kinder to myself vis a vis having outlets of the creative kind......or rather not having them, of course- but it is fun to do something fun! so Im a bit stuck. All I can do is a bit of weeding mostly, reading, put some music on my new walkman, laptop stuff...
I've had a good year in retrospect-in parts......Ivan and I are getting on well, and havent had any fallings out-I have been laughing a lot more lately and its thanks to him. Work has been OK, but the routine is very annoying to both of us- and there isnt much I can do to vary it. I have had plenty of blue times but have been able to talk more readily to people at work and read my way through the downs.
I have enjoyed times with Lisa my mental health support worker-peer support. She is fun and positive and encouraging and seeing her is a regular treat.
Arnie is a dear little dog-he's given us some worries with his diabetes this year but overall he seems to be fine and runs around happily. He dealt to a rat this year (dead) and was very pleased with himself.
I have been clenching my teeth a lot lately am feeling a bit annoyed that I cant stop. Other health irritation-toe nails have gone hard and bent. I have to go to podiatrist.
Daily Strength has been a good hobby & UTube and Facebook is OK for keeping in touch with the odd niece and nephew.
Weight gain this year has been an issue. meds, lack of exercise not sure why......
Spent good time at food fair with Nick my brother. Don't want to do it next year though. I'm not really confident enough for a Trade Fair.
See you next year.
Best to my kind friends on Daily Strength.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
And yet I don't feel too grim . Thank goodness. I do in the morning, but I'm so used to that now, it's no big deal. And I do pick up through the day.
I am kinder to myself vis a vis having outlets of the creative kind......or rather not having them, of course- but it is fun to do something fun! so Im a bit stuck. All I can do is a bit of weeding mostly, reading, put some music on my new walkman, laptop stuff...
I've had a good year in retrospect-in parts......Ivan and I are getting on well, and havent had any fallings out-I have been laughing a lot more lately and its thanks to him. Work has been OK, but the routine is very annoying to both of us- and there isnt much I can do to vary it. I have had plenty of blue times but have been able to talk more readily to people at work and read my way through the downs.
I have enjoyed times with Lisa my mental health support worker-peer support. She is fun and positive and encouraging and seeing her is a regular treat.
Arnie is a dear little dog-he's given us some worries with his diabetes this year but overall he seems to be fine and runs around happily. He dealt to a rat this year (dead) and was very pleased with himself.
I have been clenching my teeth a lot lately am feeling a bit annoyed that I cant stop. Other health irritation-toe nails have gone hard and bent. I have to go to podiatrist.
Daily Strength has been a good hobby & UTube and Facebook is OK for keeping in touch with the odd niece and nephew.
Weight gain this year has been an issue. meds, lack of exercise not sure why......
Spent good time at food fair with Nick my brother. Don't want to do it next year though. I'm not really confident enough for a Trade Fair.
See you next year.
Best to my kind friends on Daily Strength.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Replies
Happy new years, to you and your family, Dinah, Ivan, Arnie, and family. :) wishing you all a beautiful new year. :) my family and i feel so very blessed, and thankful each day, to have wonderful friends like you to communicate with, here on DS :) getting to share our days, adventures, and all of the great times of the years, with holidays, birthday\'s, special traditions, and helping eachother through the rough times. friendship hugs, sent with our love, and hot tea CHEERS! to you all, wishing you all the very best in 2012. :)
Hi D Dear. . . .
So nice to read one of your journals - a retrospective of 2011. Encourages me to do the same.
All in all, it seems you\'ve had a good year. I understand your feelings of ambivalence about the holidays, not having as many friends as you\'d like. Not having enough to look forward to.
For me, I\'ve been feeling unworthy lately. As though I am not loving enough toward others. Not as helpful as I should be. I wish I could volunteer, but it\'s hard to find volunteer opportunities when you\'re bipolar. It seems most places want you to make a long term commitment and I\'m not able to do that. I need someplace that allows me to work in chunks, as my mood state allows. Additionally, we live in a remote place, so opportunities are limited. So far, I\'ve considered the food pantry and a thrift store (clothing) that funds the food pantry.
I\'m struggling to find a church that\'s comfortable for me. It\'s hard since I live in such a remote place. Not many to choose from. I think that the bible is part of what is making me feel so unworthy. There are so many expectations of Christians. I feel unable to fulfill them.
I miss my family. Especially my daughter. It\'s been 2 years since I\'ve talked to her. It hurts to miss her childhood - her formative years. I try not to hate my ex husband for taking her from me. But I can\'t harbor hate in my heart. Resentment only causes pain to me. Easier said than done, aye?
I\'m happy to hear the good news about you, Ivan, and Arnie. How cute that Arnie was pleased with himself about the rat! It\'s also nice to hear you have an enjoyable relationship with Lisa. I like my pdoc, even though he likes to chat too long. :0)
I hear your frustration re: finding creative outlets. I\'ve been limited to reading, DS, monthly letters to my Aunt, and emailing a friend and my ex mother in law. Other than that, I don\'t know how I manage to waste my days. :0( I\'m grateful to have several DS friends who are very active on the site, so I always have journals to read.
It\'s been challenging to find good books. I\'ve decided to read the Pulitzer Prize winners since the year 2000. If I don\'t like those, I will read the books on Oprah Winfrey\'s list. I\'ve enjoyed several of her selections in the past.
Enough for now. Love to you, Ivan, and Arnie. From me, Neal, and Casper (the gray cat.)
Dinah, I hope you have a great 2012, it certainly seems like you deserve it! It is nice to read journal from someone down to earth and who reminds me of myself. It doesn\'t seem like you are asking too much from life, just reasonable stuff. You never know what bipolar may bring but I hope you can keep things in check and be the person you can be.