Holidays...

Holidays are hard.   I have heard this all my life but until now, never really understood.   Now I get it.  Wow, do I ever.

I am lucky in that, I am going to be with my family: mom, brothers, sisters and their spouses.   While I was married to The Monster, we never got together on the holidays.  Now we will be.

But wow, I stick out like a sore thumb in my family.  Long-term marriages.  No divorces.  And let's just say, I have always been "the odd egg."  They are all buttoned-up-tight emotionally.   "Let's not bring up anything too personal, just keep it cool...."Me, I am all with my "stuff" hanging out, like, "here I am!" I am the wierd one.

I can't pretend.  It's always been this way with my family.  I guess I scare them.  So, these days, I grit my teeth, smile and pretend it's not SO bad.  Yes, my life sucks but--hey, mustn't leave my pain all "out there " to make them uncomfortable. I DO love them, and they have been supportive in ways they are comfortable with.   But, damn....the holidays.  

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.