Holiday memories
10 years. Dammit. How can it be??? I am here, Lisa isn't. I get to enjoy her beautiful grandchildren. They don't get to know their phenomenal grandmother. In short it sucks.
Of course, this time of year is an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Having said that, Christmas was as good as it could be - under the circumstances. I purposely kept busy, knowing it was going to be hard. I spent 3 days preparing for an appies and nog party a week before Christmas. We also attended several neighbourhood get togethers.
The first of December, the day I said a final good bye to Lisa was hard. We have friends who ensure we aren't alone on Dec 1. With friends and perhaps a sip of wine (okay, a few!) I even had a laugh or two.
This 10th of December was particularly hard. That was the day that Lisa was going to be home for the first time since moving to Ottawa! We were both so excited. I cried all day.
We went to Edmonton to spend Christmas with Andrew, Tiina and her family. On Christmas eve, we went to Tiina's mom's house and spent the time with her brothers and family. I had to leave early - the noise and crowd freaked me out. I cooked the Christmas dinner at Andrew's. I thought about the times Lisa and I did it together. I brined the turkey - Lisa was the one who taught me all those years ago. I thought of her as I jazzed it up with herbs etc. The turkey was yummy - she would have loved it. And of course, we would have argued over who would get the first crispy skin...
We had Tiina's mom, her brother and his wife from Los Angeles over for dinner, along with a friend of Andrew's. Her other brothers were at the in laws. Christmas was always a time that we had people join us - we rarely had a Christmas dinner without extras.
The new year is upon us. I can't believe it is going to be 2020. I can't believe Lisa isn't here. I will do the best I can to live life as she would want me too, but I will do it with tears. I miss my daughter and best friend.
Wishing my SOTH all the best in the new year.
Lisa: I miss you always and love you forever. Mummy
Replies
10 years....yes, I agree....DAMN IT!!!! You are getting to experience such wonderful moments and are creating amazing memories with the kiddos....all that Lisa should be doing here as their incredible grandmother. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!!!! I cry with you my friend.
Staying busy can be a good mind distraction and help keep us putting one foot in front of the other. But, man, it can be exhausting, and it finally catches up...especially as we are "maturing". My bones are bone tired lately. I'm happy y'all were able to visit with family and friends and shared a few laughs, and "sips" of wine (LOL). And I can almost taste your yummy turkey! I had one very obnoxious sister in-law tell another SIL all about how to brine a turkey. The info was good, but she was SO rude in the way she gave it....all "I can't believe you've never brined a turkey...what, you don't even know what brine means...really"? as she leaned in closer and closer to make a point of her superiority. It was embarrassing and my heart hurt for the SIL receiving the info. Then, the receiver of said info showed up DRUNK to Christmas lunch with my husbands parents!!!! OMG, it was ridiculous!!!! My son was there and at one point he just got up from the table and went into the kitchen. I followed and we both agreed we just needed a break for the noise and "crazy" going on in the dinning room. Good grief!
December is definitely an emotional and hard month for you. I wish it weren't. I wish I didn't know you at all! Because that would mean your beautiful Lisa was still here on this planet and your heart wouldn't be so shattered. I truly wish that for you....I wish it for me....but, here we are, doing the best we can to live in such a way as to make our girls proud. And I'm certain they are!! (((LISA))) (((KALA)))
I also wish for you and all our SOTH a new year filled with peace, joy, adventures, continued healing and most of all, LOVE.
Tightest of hugs from my heart to yours~
Teri
Tight hugs, I have to confess that when I see those beautiful girls on FB, I am totally envious. No, it isn’t a bit fair that Lisa is not here! I am glad you get to spend time with them though. December is difficult in so many ways, it is almost over.... Sending love, Leda
I’m sorry babe...