Holiday Blues

Life seems so much harder during the Holidays,  of course we all have our problems, but our own always seem to be worse.  My husband's illness has progressed, he now has congestive heart failure, pulmonary hypertention, blind in one eye and cataract in the other, diabetes and now central sleep apnea (his heart and brain stop functioning while he is asleep) so now he is afraid to go to sleep and sleeping very little.  They put him on new anti-depressant, the highs are good the lows sucks.  Now he has decided that after twenty years together that my daughter and her family don't treat him right (of course they could be a lot more sensitive and caring, but they are selfish and in a world of there own) anyway just in time for the holidays he has decided he does not want to be around them ever again.  Great huh.  I am feeling sorry for myself because I just want everyone to be happy.  We have no money for Christmas to even buy presents, but at least we could all be together.  I am determined to make the best of it and I will go to my daughters anyway.  I know he is hurting but I hurt too, it is so hard to take. Am I being selfish?

Replies

BesideStillWaters
BesideStillWaters

Dear pchamness,
You are not being selfish, just deprived of a life that you deserve and this is what illness of a loved one does best. It destroys our lives, consumes them totally. If you can get out, go while you can, no matter what he says. As things become worse you won\'t be as burned out as I am. I only go groc. shopping and water my potted outside plants. It will be this way for a very long time. So, again, get out while you can and know that his attitude towards your daughter is from not wanting you to leave him alone for a bit. His choose is to go also. Keep your chin up, accept the anger you feel, you are only human. Love to you. BL